As elevator sex and George Clooney continue to be brandished as commonplace fantasies, Valerie, 36, wonders if it’s “normal” never to ramble on this kind of terrain. Our journalist and expert Caroline Michel is happy to answer him.
I’ll start with a problem: we define fantasy very badly. The one who, in reality, is a “imaginary representation reflecting more or less conscious desires“(Larousse) rather resembles, in the mouth of everyone, a completely dismantled erotic scenario within which it is appropriate to invite a sunset, a constraint (handcuffs…) and a celebrity. Even George Clooney and Brad Pitt begins to expire on the scale of fantasy, we will admit that Frédéric Pierrot (since his role in the series In therapy) or Pio Marmaï (since he is him) continue to agitate the idea of fantasy, and more especially female fantasy.
Studies confirm all of this. For example, an Ifop survey on the fantasies and impulses of the French in summer, conducted in 2017, tells us that, during the summer break, “41% of men would like to realize the fantasy of the neighbor (ex: at the campsite) and a quarter of women would like to live an experience with a lifeguard on the beach, a surfer or a sports teacher.“These results are a few years old, but still: how far are we going to go on the cliché scale? I’m not saying that kind of fantasy doesn’t exist or isn’t healthy (the rescuer is quite pleasant), but I say that this vision of fantasy remains extremely narrow.
Change the definition of the word fantasy
Let me explain. Looking at the hands of your physiotherapist and being touched for a brief moment by a nice projection that immediately disappears is a fantasy. To think that “the cashier is not bad” is a fantasy. Remembering a pleasant sexual relationship with a pleasant ex is a fantasy. In short, as soon as our erotic imagination sets in motion, invites an image or projects a little something, there is a fantasy. Similarly way, in full sexual act, a naughty image can seep into thoughts and it’s fantasy. And the naughty image isn’t necessarily Bruel or Kev Adams in glitter outfits; we can simply imagine our sexes in close-up or the following practice (ha, this cunnilingus is going to be good). It’s fantasy.
From there, we agree: the fantasy lives in us all, more or less. And when it’s rather less, let’s note that the fantasy is not always conscious: who knows what burning desire slumbers deep inside us but does not surface, for the sake of not disturbing or surprising us? Maybe some of our fantasies would make us slightly uncomfortable.
Allow yourself simple fantasies
Let’s stop thinking that a fantasy is necessarily spectacular. Let’s stop thinking that a fantasy is necessarily precise and belongs to us like an astro sign; our fantasies come and go, we don’t necessarily have ONE fantasy. Let’s stop thinking that a fantasy is discussed in terms of realization (cap or not cap?) because the goal of a fantasy is not to be transformed into a crazy sex scene but to feed our real sexuality: all Thoughts about our desires and pleasure help enrich our sexual relationships. Say to yourself: “Great, tonight I find JP and I want him” is an imaginary representation that nurtures our future embrace.
So to Valérie, I would like to say: we don’t care if we don’t have a famous fantasy based on fine sand, tabloid actor and supreme savagery. What we love isidea of desiring at times, of being caressed by a naughty thoughtor, quite simply, to know that one has fantasies of which one knows nothing.