I reinvented my sexuality at 50, here are my tips

On the tails side, you inherit the “low libido” option. Desires gone, confidence evaporated, V-Zone closed in “I don’t know what’s up, I’m raplala” mode. You have to admit it, for you, it’s not joy.
On the front side, you rather see the good side of the hill. No more rules, no more schedules, your children have left the nest, the fear of being caught has disappeared. Here you are free in your head, free in your body, desire up up up, radiant smile. What a foot!
But what really happens during menopause on the sex side?
What are the reasons for this (these) upheaval(s)? And why you shouldn’t worry about it. Decryption.

This is the big questioning

When we reach the age of menopause, in theory, we should feel on top. We know our body, we sense its sensations, yet many of us think that the register of seduction has abandoned us, as if we had gone to the wrong side of the shore.
As a couple, we can then observe a true crossing of the desert or on the contrary feel thecall of freedom, as if we wanted to live in urgency, what some call the swan song.
Singles, while we do not allow ourselves or do not wish to have relationships with younger men or to have an experience with older men, men our age are looking for their part to rebuild their lives with younger women. , which limits the range of possibilities.

Finally, some allow themselves to live a bi or even homosexual sexuality. Often hidden or even unacknowledged sexuality which finally comes to light.

Several causes of low libido

The doctors explain to you that there is no scientific proof which can justify this belief according to which the menopause would sign not only the definitive cessation of the periods but also the end of the sex.
From a hormonal point of view, they tell us, although estrogens are starting to fall, causing vaginal dryness on their way, androgen hormones, testosterone in the lead, experience a much less brutal decline. The libido should therefore be balanced.
According to them also, one of the major points which could alter female desire would be the lubrication which would be slower.

However, if we look at things factually, other known symptoms of menopause such as recurrent insomnia, night sweats, vaginal dryness, weight gain, could alone explain the drop in libido. Because honestly, which one of us wants to be approached when she’s feeling low and hasn’t slept in three days?
Personally, not me, and neither are you, I’m almost certain of it.

Menopause, the perfect time to look at yourself with new eyes.

Personally, one of the things that struck me the most on the eve of menopause was to see how much my pubis was changing. Scattered hairs, graying tending towards white, vaginal wall that atrophies, and then this famous vaginal dryness that nobody talks about and that affects so many women. You know ? This feeling of having a dried apricot, folded in on itself, instead of your sex, sad and sorry not to be able to hydrate yourself anymore? Consequences: irritating foreplay, penetration that has become too painful, impossibility to make love as before. Seriously, why so much hate?
Observing my vagina helped me to put down words and to defuse the brakes or even overcome the fears that surrounded this symptom.
What did this change mean? How do I restore volume to my balding tuft? (I’ll give you a tip, favor classic bikini hair removal), how to lubricate again? (I give you a second tip, use and abuse lubricants during intercourse). How to reinvent the sexual act?
Reflecting on all of these questions that I admit I have never asked myself before has done me the greatest good.

Sexuality, it talks

Masters and Johnson noted that women who rarely had intercourse and who masturbated little often had difficult and painful coitus. The answer for them would be the regularity of sexual activities, including masturbation, which allows them to maintain even the vascular influx which is the basis for maintaining a minimum of vulvo-vaginal trophicity. *

To sum up, whether we live a shared or personal sexuality, the main thing is not to stop, quite the contrary. Sexuality, it talks. Sex toys, candles, feathers, erotic literature, porn movies, everything is good to stimulate us, especially do not deprive us !

Menopause is the perfect time to learn Slow Sex. Caresses, rituals, openness to sensoriality, to experiences, to stimuli, to the sharing of emotions… enriching one’s sexuality through a closer context offers much richer perspectives than a fleeting approach where one does not take the time to to taste. More greedy, more sensual, more creative too, it is then necessary to be curious about oneself and the other. Finally, giving yourself permission to live, to trivialize the thing, to play it down, is to open the door wide to new adventures.

Menopause does not protect against STIs

Good friend advice, if you meet a new partner, do not think that menopause protects you from STIs. At the beginning of your relationship, use and abuse condoms and plan to protect yourself only after serodiagnostic checks.

Do not remain silent.

To conclude, I invite you not to silence your hesitations and your sufferings if you are going through a complex period. If you go through this moment of misunderstanding, tell yourself that you are not alone. Ptalk to your best friend, your doctor if you don’t dare to broach the subject of sex to your partner, but above all don’t shut yourself up in silence which could make your life difficult or even impossible.
Sexuality is not taboo, sexuality is the origin of the world, period! You do not agree ?

Sophie is the author of “Menopause and freedom” published by Marabout. Find her on her Instagram page: @menopausistories

Founder of a digital strategy consulting firm specializing in the world of women, pioneer of community management, Sophie Kune is also a Story Teller. Because she feels alone and totally lost as she is placed…