“I’m a couples therapist and here are 5 very common phrases that I beg you to stop saying”

In a romantic relationshipsome sentences can often escape us in the heat of a dispute or during too much disagreement. But although they seem harmless, some of them can profoundly harm communication. However, according to couples therapist Cheryl Groskopf, a healthy and open communication is the key to a lasting and happy couple.

From the media Paradethe expert insists on the importance of creating a “safe space” in the relationshipwhere everyone can express themselves without fear of being judged. “When you can speak openly without fear, it allows you both to be yourselves. It’s this vulnerability that deepens your relationship and makes it stronger,” she explains. Good communication also allows clear up misunderstandings. “No need to guess what your partner is thinking or feeling, they’ve already told you. This builds trust and creates a true partnership,” she adds.

Conversely, poor communication can create strong tensions within a couple. “When we don’t talk, resentment builds up and we start counting points,” says Cheryl Groskopf, who also points out that this can alter the perception of the other: “Your brain begins to associate your partner with stress rather than comfort.” But to communicate, it is not enough to speak. You have to say the right things (and avoid the wrong ones). So here is five phrases that the therapist begs you to abandon for the good of your relationship (and what to say instead to strengthen your relationship).

1. “I’m sorry, it’s all my fault.”

This sentence may seem like an attempt at appeasement, but in reality it ends the dialogue. “By taking all the blame and guilt for a conflict on your shoulders, you stifle the conversation and avoid the conflict,” laments Cheryl Groskopf. The expert recommends instead saying, “I take responsibility for my behavior and I want to listen to how you feel.”

2. “I’m fine”

This phrase is often used to avoid discussing true feelings. “By saying this, you are rejecting your own emotions and creating confusion for your partner,” says the couples therapist. She offers a more honest alternative: “I’m upset, but I need time to figure out how to express it.”

3. “You’re too sensitive.”

Pronouncing these types of sentences minimizes and invalidates the other person’s emotions. “This wording sends the message that your partner’s feelings are not valid,” says Cheryl Groskopf. “This creates emotional distance and can make the other person feel misunderstood.” Instead, try saying, “I didn’t realize this affected you so much. Let’s talk about it.”

4. “I’m terrible at relationships.”

This sentence is a form of disempowerment, according to the specialist. “You clear yourself and abandon any desire to improve the situation,” she explains. Rather than looking for excuses, favor a more constructive approach. For this, Cheryl Groskopf suggests: “I had difficulties in my relationships, but I want to learn and grow in it.”

5. “I knew this would happen”

This sentence, according to the therapist, is tinged with negativity and fatalism. “It can destroy all hope. It’s like anticipating the worst and being happy when it happens,” regrets Cheryl Groskopf. Rather than saying things like this, she recommends: “This situation is difficult, but I’m here to resolve it with you” or “I’m disappointed, but let’s talk about how to avoid this in the future.”

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