"I'm a mom and I had an abortion, you don't have to judge me"

Mélaine, already the mother of a 4-year-old girl, gives us a poignant testimony here on abortion when you are already a mother.

“To tell the truth, I have never campaigned for women's rights. I never really realized that abortion was a right and that it could disappear, like that, overnight. is in all sincerity and quite ashamed that I admit it: I thought that abortion was somewhat reserved for teenagers or young girls who had skipped their contraception. I had never been confronted with it, so why this subject would interest me- Except that here it is, April 1 (you can't invent it!) 2019, it's a cold shower: I learn that I'm pregnant. I'm not going to lecture anyone on what to think or not. "It's yours. I'm just going to tell you my story, which is that of thousands of women."

To abort or not?

It happens very quickly: a simple pee on a test and there appear two pretty pink bars.
I am already the mother of a healthy four and a half year old girl. I have a great companion, we own our home and we do what we want in life. I was thinking about that little second and I thought I was ready. And yet, after rejoicing for a short while, it is the descent into hell: I can not. I do not want. I have chills of disgust asking about abortion.

We talk about it together, with Monsieur: whatever my choice, he will respect it and support me. I call my mother who tells me to do as I wish really. My grandmother will have the same speech. But having a choice doesn't help, even though I know I will be supported no matter what. And then, if there are women who know 100% what they want -or don't want- well I am plural, I oscillate between black and white and I have trouble being certain of me. In short: I am human. The more so as I am aware: the situation lends itself perfectly to the arrival of a second.

Abort when you're already a mom

All this takes me back a few years, when I was waiting for my baby. I remember the joy and pride I felt when I found out I was pregnant. I remember the first ultrasound and that fear that echoed deep in my guts when I was told we were not "Saw nothing". Tears of happiness when we heard his little heart. The anguish of losing her.

And I can't help but think of all those women who can't have children. To those who, at night, dream that they learn that they are pregnant and in the early morning caress a belly that does not round out despite years of attempts, bites, fatigue. I don't need anyone to blame it: I do it very well on my own.

Each morning that follows, I will wake up crying. I will find out about forums and videos, to see horrible things: anti-abortion, women who regret having a child, others having abortions. Women shattered by abortion who have never been able to rebuild themselves afterwards. I remember one morning screaming at myself that I am just a monster. In the street, I stare at the bellies of pregnant women. And nothing. It doesn't bother me at all. In the strollers, the babies I meet don't make me feel sorry for them. Slowly but surely the feeling of being insensitive to life settles in me.

Abortion: take the decision

However, very quickly, I made my first appointment to have an abortion. Ah, you who think women go wild with a gun, who think that there are only mindless little girls waiting their turn, laughing with their companion-friend! Know that I only met women my age there, their eyes puffed up with the same tears that I myself had just shed. From the very ones who thought it would never happen to them.
It was with a lump in my stomach that I went there, wondering what I was doing. After my date, I asked my mother-in-law to come over to the house. We talked about it and she gave me a one-sentence answer. A simple sentence that made me make my decision. The best, for me and for us. "A child must be able and willing to welcome him fully". And no, I couldn't or wanted to.

The rest was very quick. For my part, a medical abortion. At the question "Is it painful?" " I will answer that it is comparable to big rules. My companion stayed with me at all times. By taking the first medication, I felt like I was turning a corner in my life. And at the time of the eviction, I started screaming and crying. I had managed to do it. I knew this was the best thing for everyone to do.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear parents…

Ladies,
If you came across this article because you yourself are in a dilemma, please know that the decision is yours and yours alone. I have no answer for you. For my part, I told you, it was asking myself if I was ready to fully welcome a child that made me make my decision. And I believe this question is worth asking. I was accompanied by a caring and knowledgeable medical team with whom I was able to speak openly, without fear of judgment. I thank them, knowing that I was very lucky. The rest was not difficult, as you can read in some forums. It would also be lying to you to tell you that I never think about it. But I tell you, it is never with pain or pain.

Gentlemen,
Know that if your wife does not want to have a child, it is her right and her choice. Support her, no matter what. Be proud of her. Express your doubts, your concerns… Communication remains essential in this situation.

Dear Parents,
If your daughter is pregnant, listen to her. Don't judge her. Support her, whatever her decision. Too many anti-abortion parents deny their child. Conversely, too many parents refuse to accompany their child to the maternity ward. Yet it is their choice. Although it may seem impossible to you, support them. We know that as parents our children do not belong to us. Love them, respect their decisions.

Abortion: a right that only we can defend

I don't know if it's out of true belief or to reassure myself that my partner has always told me that this unborn baby will come back when the time is right. For 4 months, little feet have been growing inside me. Little surprise feet, appeared under pill, but accepted and loved.
Let us never forget that this right must be heard and defended. There is no shame in talking about abortion. If we don't fight for our rights, one day they will be taken away from us without us having time to say "Phew". "

For any information, one site

Melaine PERSIN