Imperfect is the new sexy
Study shows: It’s the mistakes that make us desirable
Imperfection is not a flaw – science says so too
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Perfection is so out. What really makes us interesting to others is our rough edges, as a study shows.
We probably all know such people: those who are “perfect” in everything. Such people just seem to want to succeed in everything. If they grab a new musical instrument, they’ll have learned all the songs from their favorite album in a week. When they start a new sport, they have their first trophy on the shelf less than a month later. And anyway, these people always seem perfectly styled, in a good mood and welcome everywhere. Everyone likes these people and everyone wants to be like them – right?
In fact, research has also addressed this question and found that whether someone is attractive to others does not necessarily have to do with that person’s abilities or looks.
Love yourself, then you can love others
In a study the scientists found that there is a connection between the acceptance we show towards others and self-acceptance. In other words, when we accept in ourselves that we have flaws and flaws, we also accept them more easily in those around us and in our romantic partners.
One Study from 2009 confirms the suspicion that minor mistakes do not affect the relationship with our heart person in any way: Among other things, the researchers found that “moderately important” mistakes made by partners had no influence on the intensity of the relationship and that it was only reduced, if it was a “significant” or “very important” error.
Is it perfection that we strive for in other people?
Understandable, after all we all have our limits, principles and values that we don’t want to give up for our partners either. But beyond the really serious mistakes – which can look very individual – we also have to ask ourselves: Is it perfection that we strive for in other people? Is it important to us that a person’s appearance corresponds exactly to our ideas and expectations so that they appear desirable to us? Can we only feel for a person who has a secure and well-paying job?
You may not be able to go to clubs with your partner because they just can’t dance, yet you know you can count on them for any problem. Your partner may have trouble verbalizing their own feelings and thoughts, but they will listen to you better than anyone else in the world.
In short: Nobody is perfect. Yet most people compensate for their perceived “weaknesses” with other tremendous strengths that we appreciate.
Imperfection is desirable
We think all too easily that we have to be “so and so” for our loved ones. Always in a good mood, stylish, adventurous, informed, interested and charming. Most of us would hardly expect all these attributes from our partners. We don’t love our favorite people because they have rough edges. We don’t love them either, despite these “weaknesses”. We love them for who they are, with all the trimmings.
Of course, this has its limits, of course there are certain mistakes and “quirks” that you shouldn’t ignore or that you shouldn’t come to terms with. Rather, it should be about not putting harmless mistakes on a pedestal and not expecting absolute perfection either from yourself or from others, because no real person can achieve that anyway. Not even those who can play their favorite album on a new musical instrument after a week or collect sports trophies on the shelf.
Source used: psychologytoday.com, journals.sagepub.com, researchgate.net