The "male connoisseur" Dr. Richard Schneebauer explains in an interview why every man should have one or more good friends to talk to.
On the occasion of the International Men's Day on November 19th, the "expert on men" Dr. Richard Schneebauer to the lords of creation: "Every man should have at least one really good friend – ideally several." The sociologist and author of the men's guides "Männerabend" and "Männerherz" (Goldegg) has been working in the men's counseling service in Upper Austria for more than 20 years and helps to create a conscious approach to one's own life. In an interview with the news agency spot on news, he explains what makes a modern man.
Men should be concerned with these questions
"When is a man a man?" According to Schneebauer, this is the most central and difficult question in the life of the modern man – as Herbert Grönemeyer asked in his song "Men". "The important thing is that men deliberately deal with this question – and then recognize how colorful the whole thing is, but also how deeply the old role models are still anchored," explains the "expert on men". "Everything is not as clear as it used to be – fortunately. Nowadays men know that they can be weak sometimes." The question is: "When, where, with whom?" Traditional masculinity has become fragile, which causes uncertainty in some men, says Schneebauer.
Some men feel they need to change because the woman and her role have changed. As an example, the author cites: "The topic of reconciling family and work used to be more of a women's issue, now it is also important for men. However, women are more at risk of losing touch with work than men to lose to the family. "
Modern men are therefore often in a dilemma. "Men have to find the balance between strength and weakness," explains Schneebauer. "The strength should come from within. That happens when you know what you want. But out of fear, some men don't talk about their feelings, they don't want to appear weak." What he has learned from 20 years in counseling for men: "Far too seldom do men manage to show themselves to others just as they are."
Be yourself – with the help of a good friend
"I think what men lack the most is to exchange ideas with other men," reports the "expert on men". "How am I supposed to get to know myself and my masculinity better, if not with other men?" He asks rhetorically. Many men are lonely, but brooding alone doesn't do much, he explains and concludes: "That's why the most important point for men today is: fraternizing – in a positive way!"
"My wife is my best friend." Schneebauer had heard this sentence from some men. "The only problem is that such a relationship is addictive," he warns. "If we men exchange ideas more openly with one another, we need women less – which makes it easier for us to love them. If the friendship relationship with women works well, men have no problem and do not even notice that they are really lonely." If a man only talks about his feelings with his partner, it creates a great deal of addiction. "At the latest when the relationship breaks up, the man realizes that he has no one else to talk to," explains the author.
Men should therefore learn to talk to friends about feelings, he advises. "For this you should think about which of the close friends you can imagine having in-depth conversations with." His tip: "If you tell your friends something intimate, you can tell who is interested and a suitable conversation partner – and with whom it doesn't work."
That is why Schneebauer advocates friendship between men: "Every man should have at least one really good friend – ideally several." An open and appreciative exchange between men is needed. "If a friend is not doing well, just ask. However, it is important not to put yourself above the other, according to the motto: I'm fine and you are bad. It is important to signal to your friend that you are yourself too could or has already been in such a situation. "
How male friendships can strengthen relationships
If you have problems talking about your own feelings with your partner, Schneebauer advises: "First sort out your feelings, then talk to other men about them. Then you can confidently reveal your feelings to your partner." This is not always necessary, but sometimes an advantage. When talking about relationships between men, it is crucial to "talk to each other in a safe environment and really talk about your feelings – and not just talk about your partner." With a twinkle in his eye, the expert adds: "By the way, men can also be close from time to time: a hug among friends can work wonders!"
A "deep conviction" of the author is: "Men and women are all one, but we need our time with each other. Time in which men are among themselves and time in which women are among themselves." Men would speak differently if there was no woman in the room. The reverse is also true. "Then we can approach each other at eye level, strengthened," says Schneebauer.