It sucks!!!
7 tips against arguments between siblings
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Sibling quarrels are completely normal and – no matter how annoying it may be – important for the children's relationship. When things get too turbulent, these 7 tips can help. We have tried all of them and given them the title "VALUABLE".
by Miriam Kühne
1. Strengthen the team spirit
Make it clear to your children that sticking together gives them benefits. So don't just separate from each other in the middle of a dispute, but make the conflict resolution particularly tasty. How it works?
"What a shame, I was just about to bake with you / watch a Disney film / go to the park / do whatever. But of course I only feel like doing that if you get on well. Let me know how it looks in 5 minutes . "
2. Just say how it is
It annoys the big ones that the little one always destroys his towers? He will feel much less alone with his grief if he has a fellow sufferer (namely you). Tell him how much it annoys you when his little brother rearranges the kitchen cupboard again or throws the folded laundry around. Shared pain is half of the pain.
3. Don't play the judge
In all honesty, no judge in the world would presume to condemn without evidence. You will never know who provoked whom first if you weren't there. So it is better to be a mediator and aid provider than to judge innocently about guilt and atonement. You will not be able to find the solution to the conflict from outside. The little brawlers have to do it themselves. Otherwise, in the end, you will only get caught between the lines and weaken your own relationship with the children.
4. Let it go – they can often do it without you
Sometimes the sibling quarrel is just so annoying because you see a to-do with you. As long as the kids don't push themselves down the stairs or really overturn them, you could just let things go. In this way, the little ones learn much faster how to resolve a dispute. And without any help.
5. The boy needs some fresh air – the girl too
Animal welfare should not only be a must for chickens. Children also get mad when they hang out in a city apartment all Saturday. A little bit of fresh air and exercise works wonders. A change of scenery anyway.
6. Argue in front of the children – but right
Those who only pretend peace, joy, pancakes in front of the children are depriving them of the opportunity to learn a healthy culture of debate. Anyone who sometimes has heated discussions with their partner in the presence of the children without becoming hurtful is a good role model. The main thing is to find some common solution. If necessary, also the acceptance that you cannot find a common denominator in the question, but respect the opinion of the other.
7. Practice empathy
What works in couples therapies also makes sense with children. When settling a dispute, it is not so important to find out WHAT happened, but rather WHY. Perhaps Paul only annoyed him because he felt left out. And maybe Lotte had a bad day at school today and that's why she freaked out? From around the age of 3 children begin to feel empathy and thus also understand the other side. It's all a matter of practice.