Whether planned or unexpected – latecomers stir up the family. Parents and children tell here how much life changes for all family members when their mother becomes pregnant again.
Manuel – the mascot
"Pregnant – a shock! I had the feeling of standing at the station and the train to happiness rushed past me!" Marion von Mettenheim was 40 and in a spirit of optimism. Her three children, Emilia, then six, and their two sons Maxim and Moritz, eleven and 13, were already relatively independent. And Marion von Mettenheim had just signed up for an additional course in special education.
But when it was supposed to start, she was presented with a tiny figure on the ultrasound image. "We can do it," her husband consoled her. Kindly meant, but the mother of three knew from experience that he would only be able to help her sporadically. As a civil servant in the Foreign Office, he travels a lot. A call from abroad can comfort, but not calm a crying baby, pick up Emilia from kindergarten or help the boys with the essay while she had to prepare an exam.
Marion von Mettenheim, who is always so gripping, hesitated and hesitated at first, but then she decided: "I want it!" She attended the first lectures with a baby bump. Manuel was born and immediately conquered everyone's hearts as "Little Uedi".
How do 11- and 13-year-old boys react to a baby? Once a day "duzi, duzi" and then off to football, you might think. Moritz and Maxim were delighted. They laid little Uedi next to them while they did their homework, changed diapers or gave bottles. Uedi became their mascot that they dragged around with them.
The great support from her sons, but also a well-functioning network of friends helped Marion von Mettenheim to cope with the daily challenge of four children plus studies. Every minute of the day was planned and planned, but unexpected incidents kept her plans mixed up. Small disasters that were balanced with the help of friends, and bigger ones like her hip replacement. A friend dragged two suitcases with documents for a presentation to the hospital for Marion von Mettenheim. When she was released, she had finished the paper,
Meanwhile, twelve years later, she teaches at a school for special education in Berlin. Maxim and Moritz have their own apartments, Emilia is preparing for her Abitur. Uedi will soon be the last of the four to move to Moscow alone with his parents.
"Today I am very happy that I decided to have a job and a baby," says Marion von Mettenheim. "I enjoy both and thanks to Uedi I still feel young. Without him, a completely different phase of life would begin now."
Manuel, eleven years: "Big siblings are – mostly – great. They bring me chocolate, sometimes I'm even allowed to stay with one of my brothers. However, you should never annoy older siblings, that's dangerous. I also think it's stupid that they always want to control you. But there is nothing that can be done about that. "
Mara – the desired child
Gudrun Witte (now 38) was skeptical. "In your mid-30s you can no longer get pregnant at the push of a button!" She was right. Only two years later can she announce the good news – Marco Witte is touched, daughter Maren (now ten years old) beside herself with joy. In parallel to the "Wanted Child Project", Wittes fulfilled her dream of owning a home. Eight weeks before the appointment, Mara was born – almost between moving boxes.
In one fell swoop, Maren's life changed completely. No more undivided attention. Instead, her mother is constantly on the go: either baby needs Mara or the craftsmen need her. Gudrun and Marco Witte feared dramas of jealousy and wild revolts. But the opposite is the case. Maren is happy at the cradle.
The change is sure to work so well because Gudrun Witte manages not to lose sight of Maren. After Mara's birth, Maren wanted and was allowed to sleep in her parents' bed again.
Gudrun Witte uses quiet minutes for an intimate conversation with her older daughter. "Ugly feelings" such as jealousy are then brought up openly. Maren senses that nothing has changed in the intimate relationship of trust with her mother. "In no case should the age difference of ten years between Maren and Mara lead to the fact that I now see a near-adult in Maren who is raising the baby with me. For the sake of her sister, Maren must not lose her own childhood," emphasizes Gudrun Witte.
The efforts of the past eight months cannot be seen on her. On the contrary! Happier than ever, she says: "Mara is a wonderful gift for all of us that we look forward to anew every day!"
Maren, ten years: "When I'm sad, I lie down next to Mara on the playmat, tickle her, and then we both laugh. I'm glad I'm no longer an only child. I used to be to blame for everything. Soon Mara will be doing more nonsense than I."
Victoria – the whirlwind
Viktoria has turned her family's life upside down several times. The first time before their arrival. Claudia and Steffen Lawrenz were both 40, their daughters Christina and Svenja were twelve and ten years old. Family life was circular. They enjoyed city life, the short distances: to the police station, where Steffen Lawrenz worked as a police officer, to the mini-club, where Claudia Lawrenz was an educator, looking after small children, to the two girls' school.
The joyful congratulations from her gynecologist caused a shock in Claudia Lawrenz: "Why now?", She asked herself. Before, when Svenja was a toddler, she had longed for another child. But at first her husband hesitated, then she suffered two miscarriages. She took that as a sign. "It should not be!" She complied, trained as a Montessori educator, and specified her professional plans. She couldn't believe the unexpected late pregnancy.
And the others? While her husband Steffen and daughter Svenja received the news of the addition to the family with great joy, the then twelve-year-old Christina reacted with outbursts of anger. A mother with a big baby bump – how embarrassing! Baby cries instead of teen parties! And then also the move to the outskirts of Berlin. A garden with a sandpit was suddenly more important than the nearest subway station.
Christina moaned and groaned until a real baby could be seen on the ultrasound image. From that moment on, she was looking forward to the newcomer, she took part in the search for a name and carried out her suggestion: Victoria, the winner.
Victoria came – and she won! Svenja cuddled with her on the playmat, everyone competed to see who could take care of "Törchen". Until "Törchen" became two and discovered her powers. Not even three feet tall, she forced the grown-ups to their knees. If something didn't go according to her will, she roared. Loud and merciless.
At the same time, the now twelve-year-old Svenja hit puberty: doors slammed, bad words were spoken, outbursts of anger were the order of the day. "Our nerves were bare," recalls Claudia Lawrenz, and Svenja reports: "It was always stress! Someone almost always yelled!"
The grandparents turned out to be rescuers in dire straits by eating Viktoria in the afternoon or even overnight.
The solution, however, was a summer vacation with a separate educational program: Svenja traveled to her aunt, received a lot of attention there, but also heard some serious words; Christina took part in a free time, and in Little Victoria her parents applied a teaching program in matters of consistency:
As soon as the sisters were out of the house, other customs prevailed. If Viktoria refused to put on her shoes, she would just stand barefoot in the kitchen and Mama would go off alone.
That was only possible because Papa was at home too. "In everyday life the clock is ticking, you have to get out of the house, you can't leave the child alone, and you are whispering soothing melodies instead of consistently taking action." Victoria soon realized that her power games had no chance any more.
Nevertheless, the balancing act between the two fledgling daughters and their strong-willed straggler is still not easy for the trained educator Claudia Lawrenz. But "with four land is in sight," she notes with relief.
Christina, 17 years: "When Viktoria was still in the stroller, a pharmacist once handed me a booklet about baby food for 'my child'. A strange situation! Since my friend also has a little half-brother, we often go for walks with our little siblings."
Svenja, 14 years: "In the past I always wanted a sibling. I never wanted to be the youngest. Now, I sometimes like to play with Viktoria, but I would never have believed that a little sister can cause so much stress."
This article originally appeared on Eltern.de.