"Mamaaa? Bela keeps flying against me with his space shuttle. Although I already told him not to do that. “Well, what? Can't children solve this on their own? When they were younger, it was just right to get help from us parents. But at some point the whole thing turns into a kind of snitch. Do you know what I mean?
Three years ago after daycare
Me: "What's going on?" Rixa (3 years old): "" Paul tore up my picture in the day care center. I painted it especially for you. And now it's broken. " Me: "How? He came to you and just tore up your picture? Did you have an argument?" Rixa: "No, he does that sometimes. Even with other children." Me: "And what did you do?" Rixa: "I cried." Me: "Did you let Ms. Sun know?"
Whether in daycare or at home with the sibling in the children's room: I always told my children to get help before the tatters fly. With us parents or with the educators. One to three year olds in particular often do not express themselves verbally as cleverly as the older children. They like to resort to physical responses like pushing or hitting. Of course that doesn't work. So we parents said to them: "Come to us before the little brother gets the book pulled over his head just because he doesn't want to let go." It worked quite well at the beginning. But at some point the matter took on a life of its own. Meanwhile, my children are four and six years old, but when the country is now under, someone still comes running to us, tearfully tells us what the banality is about again and then stands in front of us, full of anticipation. Ok, we have to readjust that.
When is it ok to get help from parents / educators / teachers and when is it just snitch?
What matters is why does my child bring me in? Is it really desperate and can't find a solution? Has it tried all of the strategies it is familiar with and nothing worked (for example swapping, alternating or generously doing without)? Or does it secretly hope that the sister / brother will now get the riot act properly read?
I've thought about it, I'll just ask. "And why are you telling me this now?" or "and what do you want this to happen now?"
Based on the children's answer, it quickly becomes clear whether someone is really helpless here or whether they secretly want the sibling to be 'punished'.
And what does this knowledge bring me then? Well, I'm simply no longer available for acts of revenge or judicial decisions in the children's room. But instead for hugging and comforting until the anger has subsided a little.
This article originally appeared on Eltern.de.