Learning to love yourself – is that even possible? Of course you can! And most of the time you even have to. We’ll tell you why and give you a few helpful tips on how to do it.
Why do we need to learn self-love?
In an ideal world, we would all know that every person – including ourselves – equally valuable and lovable is, regardless of
- his performance,
- his appearance and
- his tax bracket.
Or rather, we would not only know it, but we would also feel and live.
But in reality, we experience for the first time in preschool that only those who wear the right clothes are popular. And at the latest With the start of grading at school, we learn to measure and evaluate ourselves and others in a way that is accompanied by unconditional Self-love has about as much to do with canned ravioli as original Italian pasta. Even if our parents give us all the necessary foundations for a stable self-esteem, it is in a performance-oriented society simply difficult to develop self-acceptance.
Problem: It also applies the unwritten law that every (healthy, adult) person is responsible for ensuring that he or she is well. And you can only do this job successfully if you love yourself. Apart from that, it is of course in our own interestto love ourselves, because only then can we become happy, feel compassion, form relationships and develop ourselves. Therefore, it is our dual duty to develop self-esteem, both from a social and individual perspective.
How do I recognize a lack of self-love?
- Perfectionism and fear of failure
- you avoid self-care and neglect personal needs
- you are in a toxic relationship
- you have difficulty saying no
- negative self-talk and self-criticism
- Setting boundaries is difficult for you
- excessive striving for external confirmation and recognition
- chronic feelings of inadequacy
Why can we learn self-love?
In contrast to feelings such as anger, disgust or fear, which usually arise quite spontaneously, self-love is more a lifelong basic feeling. An attitude and stance that we can influence and acquire through practice. Learning to love yourself is a process that we deliberately set in motion. It is not something that just happens to us. Not even when we finally have the great body that we always torture ourselves for in the gym or when the scale shows our desired weight.
How can you learn to love yourself?
For the Learning to love yourself we cannot take a course at night school, but have to somehow into our everyday lives. We basically have three major areas to work on, namely:
- our perception
- dealing with our feelings
- our habits/our actions
It is not really possible to set a sequence or a plan in three steps, as the three things are ultimately connected and go hand in hand. Nevertheless, it can’t hurt and can sometimes even be helpful to keep this division in mind, especially when implementing specific tips and exercises, including when it comes to building self-confidence. And that’s what we’re going to cover now!
Learning to love yourself: the best tips
1. Treat yourself like your best friend.
In a way, this is the most important and simplest rule when learning to love yourself. But since it implies so much, we want to give you three more examples:
- If your girlfriend is having a bad day, you comfort her and don’t ask her to pull herself together.
- If she has made a mistake, you show understanding and don’t make fun of her.
- If she is dissatisfied with herself, try to point out her strengths and do not dwell on the causes of her dissatisfaction.
2. Find something you are happy with every day.
No matter whether you have accomplished or achieved something, whether your hair looked good all day or whether your lunch was delicious – you will find some little thing. And then write it down or at least briefly think about it. That way you learn to notice the positive things – about yourself and your life.
3. Do something good for yourself.
Treat yourself to a break, take time for exercise or something else healthy that is good for your body and mind, or try masturbating or Metta meditation. After all, it is your job to treat yourself well. This also includes simply doing what you want.
4. Represent your wishes and interests to others.
Nobody can read your thoughts. The people around you depend on you to tell them what is going on inside you. Saying no or asking for help is not selfish, at least not a negative one. On the contrary! By saying things clearly and honestly, you make it easier for others to deal with you.
5. Rejoice in happiness and success.
Be proud of yourself and what you do, even if it was just luck? Be happy about it! You deserve it just like everyone else. Patting yourself on the back or celebrating has nothing to do with arrogance, egoism or self-love. Everyone needs confirmation and affirmations, even from themselves! This will automatically make you a happy single.
6. Don’t compare yourself with others.
The best thing to do is to start by unfollowing everyone on Instagram whose posts make you feel uncomfortable or guilty. Because they go on such great trips, go to such fancy restaurants or have such a well-trained body. Firstly, they only show you their lives through a tiny window, and secondly, you are the center of your life – and that’s why you should first learn to be interested in yourself before you look at others.
To love yourself is different from being self-absorbed or narcissistic. And that has mental and physical health benefits. Whether you’re adopting a new self-care routine or practicing maintaining boundaries, figure out what self-love looks like for you. It might take some time, but you might eventually learn to appreciate a whole new side of yourself.