LGBTQ +
Same-sex couples have that advantage over others
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As a “sex expert” and couples therapist, Karina Kehlet Lins knows that heterosexual couples sometimes have problems in bed and in relationships. It slips better with same-sex couples – and there are three good reasons.
On the couch of psychologist Karina Kehlet Lins sit sometimes same-sex, sometimes heterosexual couples. In doing so, she keeps observing: Lesbian and gay couples have a lot ahead of others when it comes to relationships and sex. Lins finds that straight couples can definitely learn a big slice of their freer mindset, and explains which of their beliefs and behaviors are a real asset in the relationship.
1. “You don’t die talking about sex”
Sex is no longer a taboo topic, but straight couples usually find it harder to talk about it. “Same-sex couples are already familiar with talking about sex. For many, it was part of their coming-out process,” explains Karina Kehlet Lins. And that’s a big advantage!
Let’s talk about sex, baby!
Making sex a topic doesn’t hurt. On the contrary: When Karina Kehlet Lins speaks openly about sex with heterosexual couples in her practice, real “aha” moments occur. Only then do many people understand, for example, the social pressure they are under, which suggests: When you love each other, sex is great. But:
“Just because you love each other doesn’t mean that it slips automatically – in the truest sense of the word. Love and sex are two different things.”
, explains Lins. The fact that sex always has to take place spontaneously, full of passion and preferably four times a week is social bullshit!
Same-sex couples are better able to break free from this social pressure – after all, they fall out of the heteronormative grid anyway. Free of norms, they cater to your individual needs.
2. “Orgasm for everyone!”
Speaking of needs: what causes you oh’s and ah’s? Karina Kehlet Lins has found that gay and lesbian couples have a much larger vocabulary to describe what exactly they like.
And: Both partners come to orgasm: inside. Because same-sex also means equal! Unfortunately, things often look different with straight couples: men are allowed to come, with women the whole thing is a bit more complicated? This is called the “orgasm gap” – and it is much larger with straight couples than with same-sex couples. How does it come about? The problem starts with the education:
“Women are still being made to understand: penetration sex is real sex. Only a vaginal orgasm is a real orgasm. That would be bad if the birth canal is so sensitive, after all, a baby has to go through it.”
explains Lins, “Women who have sex with women know better how to stimulate the clitoris and that this is far more important than simple in and out penetration.”
3. “Question the model!”
“Between man and woman there are exemplified scripts, certain social processes”, describes Karina Kehlet Lins, “Who invites to dinner, who buys the flowers, who cooks?” For many straight couples, all of this is already predetermined by society. With same-sex couples, there is a completely different democracy and openness, reveals the psychologist. Nothing is assumed here, but the question is: What do you like to do?
Bottom line:
Make yourselves free from conventions! Respond to your needs: Everyone is different and has individual preferences. No matter if straight or queer! “The most famous three words in a relationship and the key to success are not: I love you! But: What do you like?” Lins reveals.
Source used: Interview