Life without the desire to have children: childless? No, child-free!

A text about the conscious decision against children? Our author likes children. But doesn't need one. You have children. And needs tolerance. And now – please read!

Yes, I am "one of those". One of the women who are commonly described as selfish, career-oriented and shy. One that does not fulfill its "social duties". One who doesn't want children. And deliberately.

What particularly annoys me is the term "childless" itself. In the USA, this expression has now been replaced by "Childfree", so to speak "child-free" and that is exactly what we should do! Because if I consciously decide against something, I free myself from it. It will not be taken from me, snatched away or whatever, I wanted it that way. So I'm not childless, I'm childless. For women who are unintentionally childless for whatever reason, the whole thing looks different. But that's not the point here, for once. So much for that. Further in the text.

Audacity level: 3000, or: is it still possible ?!

How often have I had well-intentioned advice ("You won't get younger and you will definitely regret it later!"), Helpful tips ("Oh, you're always scared of the first, but you get used to it from the second. We had to all through. ") and listen to statements that gave me more or less strong reason for self-reflection (" You are so selfish and self-fixated, how can you? You are a woman! "). Or very popular:" Well wait a few more years, then it will come. ").

And how often did I justify myself again for something that a) is my own personal opinion and b) precisely because of this that others are concerned only with a wet fart? Countless times. Did it bring anything? Not in the slightest – and that's exactly what sucks. From you too.

Because how can you be so brazen and presumptuous to judge or judge a woman according to whether she has fulfilled her "social duty" and has put a child into this world? How can mothers even begin to think that they are allowed to face women who are intentionally childless? Because their children make them more full members of society? Because we are "others" more like second class people?

My biological clock? Running. But silently.

I am an adult woman in her early 30s (hallooo … childbearing age), have a full-time and fulfilling full-time job (so financial matters shouldn't be a big worry), have been in a steady relationship for almost six years (partner & potential child father: Check!) And just can't believe that this topic is still polarizing! You all listened to the ticking of your biological clock? It's great, honestly. I don't hear mine. No ticking, no beeping, not even a soft rattling – nothing. An absolute and wonderful silence that allows me to go through everyday life without any internal pressure and constant thoughts of personal reproduction.

Having children does not only require time, money and a lot of patience – the basis on which everything is based at best is the firm will to do so. The will and full conviction to become a good mother. And in the end to be too. But how many children are born every day WITHOUT this basic requirement? I think you understand what I'm saying. If I do something, I do it completely or not at all. I don't see grayscale with such important decisions, there is black or white. Only that I interpret the colors a little differently than the rest of you ….

They call it "responsibility" …

Popular opinion insists that women without children are reluctant to take responsibility and refrain from adopting them. Aha. So so. Sorry, but .. seriously? Let's just turn it around: Isn't it much more responsible to make a conscious decision AGAINST a child and to be able to live with it wonderfully than to have a child half-heartedly (because "it just belongs"), but to be unhappy with it ? And in the worst case, to transfer this imbalance and the feeling of half-heartedness to your child? I think so. Because being able to take responsibility for yourself should always be a cornerstone of decisions of this scope. And yes – I can do that really well for myself, thanks for asking.

But before voices are heard here that might want to assume something: I have nothing against mothers, fathers, families in general and certainly not against children – quite the contrary. Without my two nieces or my best friend's little son I would be incredibly missing, they are everything to me and I love them with all my heart. Isn't there something stirring in my thoughts when I think of baby clothes, sweet babble or a heart-warming smile? Um .. no, nothing. No longing, no nest building instinct in the family sense, nothing. My uterus applause at most disinterestedly and continues to enjoy its calm.

Biggest. Bullshit. Ever.

Unfortunately, this is suddenly interrupted when I annoy myself again so incredibly about the tactlessness of some people that it shakes my whole body! Or would you react to the comment "Have you ever thought of your parents? They don't get any younger and still want something from their grandchildren …"? Yes, that's exactly how I looked! Does that mean I should have a child to do my parents a favor or even fulfill my duty as a good daughter? And then best give the baby directly to them, because I didn't really want it, but hey .. "it just belongs to life"? Seriously? I can't shake my head as long as this bullshit deserves.

Mothers Club? Thanks but no! THANK YOU!

For this reason, personally, I am not very interested in how you think about me. I don't mind. But I'm not all, so please finally stop shoving all childless / child-free women together! If you were to do the same with you, there would be only two good reasons why mothers are often so caustic on this point:

1 .: You have complied with your social fate / role and did what you "just have to do as a woman"?

And 2nd: You are (more or less) jealous of the women who just did NOT join the compulsory mothers club, but made their own conscious decision against it. Because they stand for exactly what you might have preferred?

A child doesn't make you happier than anyone. Because the origin of true happiness is not in a child, but – oh wonder! – in ourselves! So please don't give a shit whether I, the waitress from your favorite restaurant, your tax advisor, pediatrician, boss or whoever wants children or not – no one gets upset with men!

My life. My decision.

My attitude does not make me a bad person, nor does it take away a touch of femininity. It doesn't let me stereotype the money. It does not let me run away from responsibility, or is the reason why I cry lonely and alone in my apartment (or condominium, we want to stick to the prejudices) in the evenings. It is simply a part of me, my life and my personality. Just like your children of yours.

Can we now finally shelve the topic? Thank you!

This article originally appeared on Eltern.de.