This is where older people reveal their biggest mistakes in life – so that we can avoid them.
"I regret nothing!" Can you say that about your life too? How wonderful! Nevertheless, there are probably always moments when you ask yourself: Am I really living my life the way I want it? Do I make the best of it?
If you don't regret anything in the end, you probably haven't had the most exciting life.
This is what the gerontologist Karl Pillemer of Cornell University said on The Today Show after his talks with 1,500 older Americans. "But these people cannot believe how we waste our time on earth – with petty arguments, resentments and worries."
Pillemer and his team asked people over 65 which decisions in life they regret most. Here are her 8 biggest mistakes – and how to work around them:
1. I have not chosen my life partner carefully enough
Most respondents agreed that choosing a partner is one of the most important in life. However, you would have the impression that many people are too impulsive when it comes to choosing a partner or that they are acting out of panic. Big mistake!
Your advice: Take your time before you commit and find out if he's the right one. Better not at all than marry the wrong person.
2. I haven't resolved a family conflict
The most unhappy people Pillemer interviewed were those who had lost touch with one or more children. Almost everyone wished they had worked harder for reconciliation and forgiveness, asked for forgiveness, or said more before it was too late. “At 80 you don't seem to be worth the things for which you accepted a break at 40, summarized Pillemer. "Even if the relationship with the other children is excellent, the parents suffer from a falling out with one of the children."
Your advice: If it is in your power to solve a conflict – whether with a child, a parent, sibling or even a friend – do everything to do it!
3. I kept my feelings to myself
Some of the older men regretted not telling their wives enough that they love them, Pillemer said. But it wasn't just about expressions of love in couple relationships, but about all strong feelings that were not expressed.
Your advice: Don't wait. Say what you think we are feeling as long as the person is around. At some point it will be too late.
4. I haven't traveled enough
In old age you will regret not having made one trip or another. Even people who have traveled a lot would have ended their conversations with sentences like, "But I've never been to Japan …".
Your advice: Traveling is so fulfilling that it is more likely to be spent on it than on other things. One woman said to Pillemer:
If you have a choice between a new kitchen and a trip, take the trip.
5. I worried too much
Many of the elderly regretted worrying about things that never happened – or about things that they couldn't control. "Life is so short. What you will regret in the end are the weeks and months of pointless and self-destructive worries, ”some told Pillemer.
Your advice: Stop worrying so much. Worries are wasters of life.
6. I wasn't being honest
Having lied to and cheated on others gnawed at some of the respondents – whether they were having an affair or otherwise being dishonest. They also found it bad to have been lied to.
Your advice: Be as honest as you can. If not for moral reasons, it is so that you won't have to regret it later.
7. I haven't seized career opportunities
A surprising number of respondents said that they were sorry not to have seized career opportunities – because they had been too comfortable or shied away from risk. “Our oldest generation tells us that we should say yes more often,” summed up Pillemer. Chances are you'll later regret not having taken a career move than to take it and then realize that it may not have been all good.
Your advice: Always say yes to a job opportunity unless there is a compelling reason not to do it.
8. I haven't taken care of my body
Older people who have smoked, have not exercised, or have become overweight often regret this. But not only because they could die earlier as a result. “A lot of people say to themselves: I just like to smoke or eat, and I don't like exercise – what does it matter if I die a little earlier?", Says Pillemer. “But the problem these days is that you don't die earlier, but possibly suffer from a chronic illness for decades because modern medicine keeps you alive. "
Your advice: Take care of your health and change your lifestyle if it is not good for you, otherwise there is a high chance that a chronic illness will ruin your life in the end.