Lockdown with baby – lonely together

Lockdown with baby
Lonely together

I remember how it was when the first child came. I was the first in my circle of friends and it felt weird to suddenly spend the whole day with porridge, wooden toys and silly gossip-singing games while it felt like the rest of the world was driving to work in the morning and coming home in the evening. But then I got to know other mums and the strange feeling got better. So there were others who went for a walk all day, imitating animal noises on the sofa and saying "Look, an excavator!" exclaimed with the same enthusiasm they had for Robbie Williams about 15 years ago. Yes, being a new mom was and still is a bit strange at times. Fortunately, you didn't feel alone with that before. To find out that all people do similarly strange things after the birth of their children, all you have to do is sit in the baby pool of a swimming pool, take a mother-child-something course or maintain contacts from regression. Was a sure-fire success.

There is nobody in lockdown

The fourth child, a little straggler, was born in June and I go for a walk again like years ago, imitate animal noises and, like Bolle, am happy about every large vehicle on our way. Suddenly I find topics like teething, complementary food and sleep rhythm very interesting again, sleep poorly and (like every new mom) consider my baby to be the most adorable little creature that has ever existed under this starry sky. And yet something is different because there is no one far and wide with whom I could share this crazy, exhausting and wonderful time. The children of my friends are all older, the girls from the online re-education course come from Munich, Freiburg, Leipzig and Wiesbaden. Baby swimming, pekip, crawling club … all canceled. I simply don't know any mothers of small children with whom I could go for a walk at a distance and chat. Quite apart from the fact that it would be forbidden anyway, because two mothers with two babies are currently not allowed in many federal states.

I can still consider myself lucky because I can at least exchange thoughts with my former self. Sometimes this is a bit lacking in variety, but at least. But what do parents do when they experience all of this for the first time?

The joy of this little person

No, I don't want to complain at all, because I'm actually bursting with happiness. When my little son greets me with a smile in the morning, when he starts dancing with his little greasy legs, as soon as the older children play him music by Justin Bieber. When we make him laugh so much with a single sound or when he has already learned something new and proudly smiles at me after his triumph. Sometimes I try to capture these moments for grandma and grandpa with the camera or to let his aunts participate via video chat. But I stick with it, it's not the same. They don't smell this scent, they can't take it in their arms, because of the distance it remains a bit strange to them in the end, like a movie character or the Gymondo fitness trainer behind the screen. Will our loved ones and the baby be able to catch up on that together and still get very close? Most certainly! But for now it still feels hideous.

We will sort it out!

My grandmother always said: "If you're up to your neck in dung, you just can't hang your head, otherwise it'll get disgusting". Grandmas are mostly right, besides, they were born in even worse times than these and therefore know a lot about crap. For my part, I keep bringing her words back to mind, which works well against the self-pity that sometimes overtakes me. No, I will not let this virus, lockdowns and restrictions spoil this magical first year. But sometimes stopping and allowing yourself to be sad, that should be possible. At the moment we cannot do almost everything that experts recommend to parents to "compensate". Selfcare is a mammoth task with the contact restrictions, closed swimming pools, cafes, no babysitters, no grandparents and no like-minded people. Yes, we can do it anyway. But every now and then we can still feel lonely and alone. Even if our life is super relaxed in the eyes of others. Sometimes the world looks a little different through your own eyes. And that's ok.

This article originally appeared on Eltern.de.