Our author dared: 12 hours long distance with three children. With a change, without valerian. She now knows: The devil sometimes rules over the clouds. And he really has a sense of humor.
Maybe I should have guessed when my friends frowned at me. The fact that there are perceived 287,084 blog and forum entries on the topic might also have helped my sense of reality. But I always know everything a little better (at least I think so) and so I joined the small queue at the airport at four in the morning with two small and one big child. Oh, beautiful ignorance …
Flying with children: "I'm not going through there"
First hurdle: the "nude scanner". Explain to a three-year-old that he should stand in a rather creepy machine at four o'clock in the morning with his legs raised. Alone. The very thought of it caused this three-year-old to throw himself on the floor screaming and to refuse any alternative suggestion by the ground staff. Nobody should touch, shine, beep at him. He wanted to go home and not to "stupid America". Right away!!! In short, I thought that there was nothing more annoying in the world than tantrums of three-year-olds in inappropriate situations. Had underestimated the potential of my teenage daughter, who suddenly gave a loud whistle to her brother: "If you don't go through there, everyone thinks you have a bomb in your pocket!" I would like to take this opportunity to thank all ten members of the ground staff who are also responsible for lightning-deaf for three seconds and stoically ignored this sentence. THANK YOU!
Long distance is called because it takes a long time
We were allowed on board despite the bomb joke and I vaccinated all children that such sentences, at the latest, would be rather funny for the American border officials. If I had known at the time that my little one would ask me in front of these officials why the men didn't like jokes about bombs, I would have given up on the subject. But you have to get to this limit first. Oh, what do I say: First you have to make it to the next gate when changing trains. Possible obstacles: Children who have to pee urgently during the really outrageously detailed questionnaire on the reason for entry. Lost hand luggage. A passport lost somewhere in the backpack. Homesickness before the start of the trip. To name just a small selection … And then the insight: Long distance is long distance because the flight takes a damn long time.
Watch films until the doctor comes – right?
Speaking of boredom: never believe in the on-board program if you have booked a foreign airline. And above all: do not make promises that you cannot keep. I had already announced it half a year before the trip, and every time I switched off the television, I promised in a whispering voice: "If we fly to America, you can stare as long as you want!" With growing panic, I now clicked on the plane through the on-board program in the "Kids" category. I found English films, French subtitles and Spanish series, but NOTHING – and I mean nothing in the sense of nothing at all – German. Reason enough for our six-year-old to sob miserably and far too loudly before the plane took off, "Mama always lies!" The good thing about it: After all, I had no reputation to defend in the next twelve hours.
Earache, boredom and the great white shark
We hadn't started for two minutes when the same daughter got an earache. Not so much, but so much that my mother's heart really bled, I immediately forgave her tantrum and cursed myself for the stupid decision not to have the painkillers in my hand luggage. Meanwhile, our little one started telling our neighbor that we wouldn’t land in America, but in the water with the great white shark. Her fingers clawed at the armrest and beads of sweat appeared on her forehead. "Can you make sure he stops?" She whispered hysterically. With a crying child in your arms and another child who, in search of the ideal sleeping position, stretches two feet in the face of a fearful seated neighbor and talks incessantly about white sharks in the Atlantic Ocean, you can hear every sigh on the plane on the “You- be the most terrible family in the world ”. When my husband next to me also began to sigh, the clenched strength of my bare nerves hit him. What I have done wrong again, I hissed at him. "You installed the plane seats too close together," he grinned. "And besides, you're always lying. I heard. ”At least one of us laughed. It was not me.
After the outward flight is before the return flight
Twelve hours and 5000 "When are we-daaaa questions" later we did it. Fortunately, the American border official could not speak German and thank God no one except me had noticed that our daughter had obviously smuggled some craft scissors on board in her hand luggage. Completely finished and relieved, I sank into the seat of the rental car in America. I would never underestimate a flight with children again, I thought. Three weeks and a wonderful vacation later I had thought of everything before the flight home. I had juice in my hand luggage, German videos on my tablet and my children threatened with a lifelong ban on sweets when I mentioned the word bomb. For 21 days and especially nights I had thought a lot about how we, our marriage and above all our nerves would survive this return flight. I got on the plane in tension and can now testify under oath what has long been suspected. Now I am certain once and for all: The devil really has a good sense of humor. From where I know this? All three children closed their eyes during take-off and did not wake up until they landed. The woman next to us with the screaming baby twins looked damn jealous. Oh yes. If she knew …