Longing for love is normal and we all feel it. But if it torments us in the long term, there is something else behind it. What is it and what can we do about it? Let’s reveal it here!
Why do I long for love so much?
Are you currently feeling an extreme longing for love? There’s a good reason for this: you’re human! All people have a fundamental longing for love, That’s how we are wired – why that is the case, there are different theories depending on the perspective:
- From a biological point of view The longing for love primarily serves the purpose of looking for a partner, procreating and our Type preserved.
- Philosophers say that longing for love one Foundation stone for our social life and therefore also for our speaking, thinking and conscious feeling – therefore it is one of the Characteristics that define a person.
- Psychologists usually focus on the aspect that love gives us self-confidence. And the Development of stable self-esteem is a prerequisite for a happy, balanced life.
Like this, like this, or like this: Longing for love definitely has a meaning. Because it motivates us to look for a person who makes us feel safe and who we can love in turn.
Longing for love – a fine line…
Problem: When our longing becomes so strong or remains unfulfilled for so long (!) that it overshadows our lives and we worry because of it helpless and desperate feel, it becomes largely counterproductive – and even gets in the way of us finding true love.
This can happen to both singles and people in a relationship. The reason for this is one Lack of self-love. And not even a loving partner can always protect us from that.
Longing for love while single
The fact that singles generally feel a longing for love doesn’t seem surprising at first – after all, they don’t have a partner who makes them feel that they are loved and that they can love them. Typical situations, which fuel the longing for happiness in love and partnership among singles:
- Evenings and weekendswhen there is no one with whom we can make ourselves comfortable at home
- Special occasions in a circle of friends such as a wedding, birth of a child or baptism
- Acute in the mood for sex or physical affection
- Problems where practical or mental support is needed (heater broken, difficulties at work, illness)
- Parties and celebrationswhere most of the other couples are or bring a +1
- Stupid sayings or when others ask us about being single
Singles who, on average, long for security,However, if you are at peace with yourself, you can quickly recover after moments of flaring attacks of longing. Even if they put a lot of energy into looking for a partner, they also have Having fun dating and enjoy getting to know different men and women.
Besides, they also see the positive sides of being singlefor example:
- No need to make compromises
- Freedom
- Unattached
- flexibility
Singles who lack self-love often think they can compensate for this with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Many people search like this doggedly after their soul mate that they thereby become blind to their own needs and ideas. And their stubbornness in dating usually doesn’t bring them the desired success – which only increases their self-doubt and longing for love.
Longing for love in the relationship
Maybe surprising for some, but true: Even in relationships, it happens that people painfully long for love and their longing feels (!) not being fulfilled. Signs of this can be:
- We keep asking ourselves the question “Should I break up?” but never dare to seriously address it
- We feel lonely
- We feel misunderstood
- We feel like we are doing more for the relationship than the other person
All of these can definitely be signs that the partner is not the right one and the relationship is over. But it could also be that we simply are unable to accept his/her love. In this case, we can only overcome our loneliness if we improve our self-esteem.
What can you do about the longing for love?
But how do I strengthen my self-confidence when I long for love so much that it hurts? This much is clear: rushing into any relationship or staying in a broken relationship out of fear is certainly not the best idea. The following measures are better.
1. Talk about it
In any case, it makes sense to talk about our feelings – if we are in a relationship, definitely with our partner. If we are single, with a boyfriend, girlfriend, siblings, parents or a therapist.
2. Write about it
We can or have to figure out a lot of things ourselves (first of all) – the classic diary is therefore still a solid safety net for many people in difficult phases.
- What exactly am I missing?
- What do I want from a partnership?
- What do I need for my longing for love to feel fulfilled?
Asking yourself such questions (and ideally even answering them) can shed light on many areas.
3. Distract
Distracting yourself from your feelings is generally demonized and certainly is not the sole means of choice. But distraction often means that we also strengthen our self-esteem and that is definitely good and important when we feel lonely and long for love.
It is best to choose types of distraction that bring us together with other people, for example:
- Join a sports club or take a sports class at work
- learn a language with a tandem partner
- to sing in the choir
- join a book club
- volunteer
You can find more inspiration in our video below.
4. Treat yourself well
It may sound stupid, but it is the most important step on the path to self-acceptance: Make friends, with ourselves! How can that work?
On the one hand, we have to work on our thought patterns. Was it unproductive? What would you say to a friend in that case? It’s unlikely that it has nothing on it and is worthless. You would rather show her what she has accomplished and that it’s no drama if she doesn’t complete her to-do list, after all, tomorrow is another day. This is how you should treat yourself too!
Besides, we can just do it do something nice with ourselves, be it just a Netflix evening where we cook ourselves a delicious three-course meal. It can also help if we really dress up, even if we don’t want to go out, just for ourselves. Apply make-up, make your hair beautiful, wear something stylish – give it a try, you’ll definitely be surprised at what it can achieve!
By the way, there is another reason and one extra motivation, why we should, above all, work on our self-confidence when we are tormented by the longing for love: We can also become the woman of our dreams…
Video tip: 5 inspirations for loneliness 