When mother or father die, it is not only painful, it changes life fundamentally.
No matter what age: The death of parents always leaves a huge hole. In our childhood, in our youth, in college … our parents were always by our side. Two people we could look up to and who always had good advice with their life experience. And then … suddenly everything is different. When we were just 30 and a child, we are now 30 and alone – and face a stack of condolences. Doing this changes some things fundamentally.
The rescuer in need – he is missing!
Regardless of whether love is not going well or the job is annoying: In the past we simply called mom or dad if we had any problems. Now we may intuitively pick up the phone – but at the latest when dialing, we will notice that the call will lead to nowhere. Mom or Dad are just not there – and they won't take off tomorrow either. This realization is hard, and we are only now really learning what it means to stand on our own two feet. To take care of ourselves, to seek comfort somewhere else. And even if there are other people who support us – because of the death of our parents we have to become a huge part of our independence. And then we are amazed because we always thought we had been for a long time.
Memories hurt
In the first period after death, every photo, every déjà vu and every memory of the parents is painful. It takes a long time before we can smile with a smile at the family vacation in Africa, the 50th birthday of dad or the annually failed Christmas goose. But thank God we are ready at some point – and then the memories are The most beautiful and most valuable thing that remains of our parents.
You are "only" a mother
If we have children, the death of our parents will make us a lot more mother than we already are. Because the role as a child suddenly disappears. In addition, we can no longer ask grandmother for advice when it comes to parenting decisions, and grandpa cannot even step in as a babysitter. We suddenly get a package with an extra portion of responsibility on our back. And that's pretty difficult!
You regret having done (or not) doing things
For example, the argument that we unnecessarily fought with the mother – or that we spent too little time with her. We often only realize how valuable our parents are when they are no longer there. And how nice it would have been to spend more time with them. A little consolation: to be aware that the parents will never be completely gone. Even after their death we can talk to them, write letters to them, spend "time" with them. Just on a different, spiritual level.
Fixed rituals disappear
And leave a painful emptiness. Whether it's Christmas Eve with the parents, the annual short birthday trip with the father or Mother's Day. On such days we become particularly aware what a big part of life has broken away. And it takes a while before we can be anywhere else at Christmas – without feeling completely out of place.
You finally listen to mom
In the past, parents could talk about their fuzz. If it was said: "Don't do so much overtime, child!", we preferred to add an extra layer instead of listening to mom or dad. What we wanted to say: I am grown up and independent! When the parents are gone, that changes. We wish we weren't so grown up and independent yet – and mom would still warn of the burnout every day. What then happens: We take care of ourselves to have enough time off. Simply because we now appreciate Mama's advice much more, and even put it almost on a pedestal.
The list is endless!
One thing is clear: you could never put all the things that change with the death of your parents in one article. You could probably fill books with it. But as long as this list is, life goes on somehow and you can be sure: The parents would be extremely proud that we accept this great test of life – and master it.