good intention?
The most common reasons women and men lie during sex
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Lies occur in all social contexts. Whether among acquaintances, friends, with the family – or during sex. A new survey shows what people lie about.
Most people lie when it comes to their sex life. For example, if the question of previous sex partners arises and the answer to the person is uncomfortable. But especially in relationships or when getting to know a new partner, it is better to lay your cards face up on the table and thus build trust. Also in terms of possible likes and dislikes. But that’s easier said than done. In Psychology Today, psychology professor Christian L. Hart explains the topics people are most likely to start lying about when it comes to their sex life.
Why is sex so tricky?
Being naked can be a big step in a relationship – or even in a fling. The vulnerability that we share with another person is very special and creates intimacy. Most people have fears and worries before they decide to sleep with a person. Concerns about not doing something right or not being good enough are constant companions in most minds. But maybe they are not sure about the relationship, have doubts about its future or whether they even want to have sex – and they also bring the ballast from old relationships into the new partnership. All things that are thought-provoking and that many of us don’t want to openly share with a new partner — or not right away.
people about your sex life
Christian L. Hart asked sexually active people in which situations they had not been honest about their sex life and developed a survey from the most common answers. This was carried out on a further 330 respondents. Test persons could express their opinion on over 100 possible topics or answer the statement with yes or no.
The most common sex lies
In general, all respondents lied about a variety of sex-related topics. Women lied more often than men about interest in sex. 65 percent said they lie about their pleasure. For men it was 51 percent. Women also lied much more frequently (73 percent) about the satisfaction or about having an orgasm. For men it was 42 percent. 69 percent of women also lied during sex. 69 percent exaggerated their satisfaction more than they felt (men: 37 percent). 58 percent of women also stated that they often used excuses such as tiredness or illness not to have sex. For men it was 33 percent. So in many ways, the women lied to make their partner feel better and to make them look better as a sex partner. According to Christian L. Hart, prosocial components are more often a motivation for lying in the bedroom.
Here men lied more often
While women lied more often about issues such as the joy or satisfaction of sex, the percentage among men increased on other issues about women’s value. For example, they lied more often about the strength of their feelings in order to get the other person to have sex (26 percent men vs. 14 percent women). Or whether they could imagine a serious relationship with the person in the future (men: 32 percent. women: 24 percent). They also fibbed more often about their own use of pornographic content (38 percent) than women (20 percent). According to Christian L. Hart, the lies on the men’s side are usually more selfish than those of the women, who for their part would rather try to strengthen the relationship and positive feelings with the other person.
Even if we use the terms man and woman in this text, we want to address all people. In the survey taken up here, only male and female genders were explicitly asked. Further information for various gender identities was not taken into account in order to include every reader.