Lovebombing makes you subconsciously wrapped around your finger by a narcissist. Find out what the consequences are and how you can identify the tactics.
You have only seen each other a few times and they are already piling up exuberant declarations of love. Secretly the question arises in you whether this is not all going a little too fast. But because everything feels so good, you go with – and you could be the worst decision of your life! Scientists warn of the so-called Love bombingthat narcissists can use to wrap you around their fingers. Dangerous: Engaging in long-term relationships with a narcissistic person can have fatal consequences for your self-esteem.
Lovebombing: The Narcissists' Tactics
The term Love bombing comes from the field of narcissism research. When analyzing narcissistic personalities, scientists have noticed that they often do show the same behavior patterns. Especially when it comes to love and dating. Lovebombing is a tactic that narcissists use very often to get what they ultimately want – unconditional long-term attention, admiration, and appreciation. So it's really not about love.
Narcissists cover up their actually very low self-esteem with a pronounced one confident presentationthat can appear very charismatic and attractive to others. A narcissist, female or male, wants to be adored. He or she wants to feel to be the most important person in this world. And this is exactly why narcissistic personalities start looking for a partnership – even if they are actually not the caring, intimate types. A relationship ensures that they Get the attention you need at all times. And how do you get this partnership? The first step, of course, is dating. And this is exactly where lovebombing comes in.
Lovebombing: This is how it works
The first time you meet a narcissist, you are probably pretty impressed. Narcissistic personalities are often colorful characters who cast a spell over others with their charisma and self-confidence. And since they are often quite vain, they also shine with a good appearance – of course that can't hurt when dating. So the chances are badto instantly recognize a narcissist. At first these people seem very sociable and friendly.
It becomes noticeable, however, if your date wants to get serious after a very short time to get to know each other. After two weeks it could already be “I've never met such a great person in my whole life as you” or even “I'm in love”. In the further course it comes to Love bombing:
- You will be bombarded with confessions of love, attention, compliments, and gifts.
- The narcissist tries to conquer you in every way.
- Many messages and phone calls during the day are typical.
- It is not uncommon for conversations to quickly turn to marriage, children or a shared apartment.
- In this phase you will probably feel like a goddess, because every wish will be read from your lips.
- Your self-esteem benefits from all this admiration, and you believe you have found the right person.
- On the other hand, you get the feeling that everything is going too fast
- Sometimes it can also make you feel constricted.
In short, the narcissist's love-bombardment just doesn't seem to fit in with the brief introductory period you've gone through.
Love bombing or real love: how do I tell the difference?
The romantics among us could now object critically: But there is love at first sight! And you are absolutely right. Not everyone who quickly reveals themselves to be soulful at first is a narcissist. Maybe it's just one hopelessly in loveWhere love has struck like a bolt of lightning. It can be! Fortunately there is tons of other cluesthat can give you certainty. Narcissists have a few other very typical traits that set them apart from the exuberant romantics. In fact:
- Controlling behavior – for example when it comes to the meeting or the clothes
- Love or attention deprivation when the narcissist's wishes are not enforced
- A no is not respected (although you didn't want to do anything more, the narcissist suddenly appears at the door)
- Inclusive and possessive behavior
- early and strong jealousy
By the way: There are different forms of narcissists. Covert narcissism is especially difficult to spot, but no less hurtful.
When does lovebombing end?
Depending on the situation, lovebombing can last different lengths of time. But the phase always ends when you have serious feelingsare and you also start investing. Because then the narcissist has achieved what he wanted to create: you are safe with him because you are in love. When it comes to this, all of the loving actions suddenly stop. Of course, that hits you all the more – after all, you have a crush and are now experiencing a radical retreat.
Easy going? It is now all the more difficult – through the initial love bombing, the impression was finally created that the person can very well give love. This leaves many victims of narcissists hang in the unhealthy constellation – with the great hope that the partner will change again and give as much as at the beginning.
Unfortunately, the truth is different: The initial love bombing never had anything to do with true, deep love. It was a form of emotional manipulationwho narcissists use to secure a long-term suitor. That sounds very harsh and unscrupulous, but remember: narcissism is one diagnosable personality disorderfor which therapy is possible (and necessary). So there are profound problems here, most of which arose in the childhood of those affected. Even if narcissists' behavior is inexcusable, they don't always know what they are doing. Of course, that doesn't mean you have to put up with the behavior.
In a relationship if the initial love bombing turns over – then you can expect the following behavior, among other things:
- Point of blame – the narcissist is basically always the victim in a situation
- Devaluations – so that you can be kept small
- Recklessness – due to the narcissists' lack of empathy
- Isolation from those around you – Narcissists want their partner all to themselves
In addition, since narcissists feel no remorse or guilt, infidelity can occur, or worse, physical and emotional violence. So, already when dating, be careful who you let into your life.
Who is Particularly Vulnerable to Narcissists?
Narcissists often seek out each other in a targeted manner warm, caring people who have an extraordinarily high level of empathy. This is necessary in order to be able to forgive the narcissist for all his problematic behaviors later. Unfortunately, people with a low self-esteem Victims of narcissists because they set boundaries worse and are therefore easier to influence. Anyone who is familiar with inferiority complexes is also in danger: If you have self-doubt, love bombing is of course particularly popular.
So are you a loving, kind person which tends to put itself back once too ofteninstead of standing up for yourself – Pay attention! Narcissists are looking for exactly this personality type. Strengthen yourself by honing your self-worth. Here you can find out how you can increase your self-esteem, and here you can read how you can learn to care for yourself in order to take more care of yourself.
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