Relationship maintenance
Why we so rarely contact old friends – and what helps
© Mary Long / Adobe Stock
Sometimes we wonder what previous friends of ours are doing. How they are doing. We would like to contact you, but something is stopping us. You can find out here what that can be and how you can get in touch.
It’s natural for some friendships to dissipate as life progresses. While this probably doesn’t bother us at all for some people, there are others that we still think about often today. We wish we could have contact again. Why don’t we just record it? That can have several reasons.
3 reasons why we rarely contact old friends
We are afraid of strangers.
Most people feel most comfortable in their comfort zone. People we haven’t seen or spoken to in a long time can feel like strangers to us – we don’t know how they have developed up until now and whether we get along with them. This feeling of alienation can make us uncomfortable. The result: We don’t contact previous friends.
We don’t want to be rejected.
If we hesitate to make contact with another person, it can also be due to insecurities about the other person’s wishes. I would like to be in touch again – but has the other person forgotten me long ago? Does he/she want to have contact with me at all? The fear of rejection can outweigh the desire to rekindle a friendship – we remain passive.
We’d rather wait and see whether he/she gets in touch with us.
If I’m already unsure whether the other person wants to contact me, another thought can quickly arise: If the desire existed, he/she would contact me on his own initiative. If not, it probably doesn’t matter to him:her either. Stop! In this scenario, you don’t have to leave your comfort zone and you would immediately know that the other person shares the intention to have contact, but in the end it will probably come down to no one getting in touch. It’s such a shame when both sides basically think the same thing…
What can help revive old friendships?
Sure, taking the first step is never easy. But someone has to do it after all – wouldn’t it be unfortunate if no one dared? Maybe it helps if you imagine the worst that could happen. The other person doesn’t answer or tells you that there is no desire for contact on his/her part. And realistically, the latter is unlikely, especially if you didn’t break up in a big argument. So: what do you have to fear?
You can also make it clear to yourself: If you are afraid of how the other person has developed, you always have the option of minimizing or completely breaking off contact after the first contact or at the latest after the first meeting. With this first step you are not making any commitments!
And finally, if you decide to contact an old friend, help you with shared memories. Find an old photo and write “Do you remember? That was almost exactly 20 years ago! Crazy… How are you?” This will easily create a connection between you again and you will remember the wonderful times you had together.