make decisions
Why it is good to be wrong sometimes
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No matter what we do, in love, job and everyday life, everything requires commitment: time, money, feelings. Sometimes more than we think. But uneconomical decisions can also be just right for us.
by Verena Carl
It starts in minute one. Unsuspecting we come into the world, we look forward to finally having light and freedom of movement, and then the big but follows: breathe yourself, scream for food, and then this damn gravity! You just don't get anything for free in life. The next math hours soon follow: four scoops of ice cream cost two hours of stomach ache. Blasphemy with Marie (4a) costs the friendship with Nadine (4b). But the other way around, commitment also pays off, as we later discover: in better grades, job opportunities, and when the time-consuming collection of signatures for a new cycle path is finally heard by the city council.
The more emotional the decision, the harder the weighing up
Our entire existence follows the principle of double-entry bookkeeping: if something comes in on one side, something goes out on the other. You can come up with it yourself or hear it from the vernacular ("Without diligence, no price"). We can roughly estimate some costs – in terms of feeling, time, money and human relationships. Others hide in the small print or come into play much later.
Sometimes it's pretty clear. For example, if I want to write a book, I have to expect not to get past page ten. Or later to watch as literary critic Denis Scheck throws my work into the rubbish chute in front of the camera. Anything can be on the plus side: from the experience of at least trying (consolation prize) to a world career as a bestselling author (main prize). But the more emotional the decision, the more difficult it is to weigh up. And life is often like buying in installments: enjoy now, checkout later.
A man with money and career ambitions may be able to put the world at our feet. But under certain circumstances we later pay with a lot of being alone and foregoing an interesting job of our own, because we constantly change our place of residence for his sake. Conversely: If we want love on equal terms and children, that doesn't just mean taking turns picking up from daycare and singing bedtime songs. But also shared responsibility for rent and income.
What matters in my life
Now it would be inhuman if we made every decision dependent on a cool cost-benefit calculation. It can be completely right to do things that, according to this logic, prohibit themselves. Stand up to your boss in order to maintain your own dignity, even if it makes your promotion difficult. Buy the cute house, although it is in need of renovation and is too far off the beaten track. Because the objective price of a decision is not what counts – who should determine that? – but the question of our subjective values: What counts in my life, what do I need to be me, what can I do without?
One of them would like to finally be self-employed and found her start-up and pays for it with a lot of work, financial risk and the renunciation of some fun evenings with friends. The other is more likely to forego the great sexual fulfillment if she has someone with whom she can laugh and who shares her interests. And the third, in turn, would rather be a permanent single than compromise. Opposing calculations that still work out. Just not for everyone.
And then there are those calculations that, with the best of intentions, we cannot prepare in advance. Simply because life is not without risk. When a safe career choice from 20 years ago suddenly turns into a crisis model, a loved one is seriously ill or a public office becomes more and more a target for hatred and malice. Maybe then we will at least manage to split the bill. To find other people who share some of the burden, who support us, even if it is because they have experienced something similar and understand us. A kind of emotional crowdfunding for challenging times. Because that is simply priceless.
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