While a romantic relationship generally results in a feeling of security, it can happen that one partner manipulates the other. If manipulation can occur in various forms and to different degrees within the couple, we absolutely must not underestimate its destructive power. “If the aim of manipulation is to satisfy one’s needs and take power, this control over the other can put the manipulated partner in danger,” observes Sandra Barba, psychotherapist.
Unlike the narcissistic pervert whose goal is the destruction of others and who uses manipulation as a tool of seduction, the manipulator uses stratagems to achieve his ends. Certain signs make it possible to detect this manipulation within the couple and to put an end to it. “Manipulators often have the same personality typology, underlines the psychotherapist. They criticize, judge, oscillate between idealizing and devaluing others, control certain emotions such as anger and often have conflictual relationships with the hierarchy. specifies Sandra Barba.
A meeting like love at first sight
The manipulator generally presents himself as the ideal man. “It reflects everything you need, you have the feeling of meet your soulmate“, deciphers the professional.
A fusional love
Do you have the feeling that you are the center of his life? This is indeed a sign of manipulation according to Sandra Barba: “He exerts a kind of pressure on you: he wants to be the center of your life as he apparently does for you.”
A quick projection
Have you been together for a few weeks and are you already the woman of his life for him? A manipulatorwants to go quickly, plan quickly. During the discovery period, he makes an effort to lie to seduce you quickly. An effort cannot last long, hence the need to go quickly.”
An art of blowing hot and cold
The manipulator has a real gift when it comes to handling words. He is capable of reversing a situation to punish the other and make himself appear to be a victim. “His need for ego leads him to establish that he is the strongest, the one who knows. He cannot stand criticism.” He manages to create a love that is both fusional and a confusion about the intentions he has towards the couple.
An oversized ego
He says it: only he knows how to make you happy. “With this sentence, the manipulator can, for example, help the other person financially, but above all he isolates them from their surroundings little by little”analyzes the psychotherapist.
However, not all manipulators are toxicnot everyone has deviant behavior, nor a need to shape others. It all depends on the degree of manipulation. “We must verbalize what hurts us so that the other can take responsibility for their part. If the foundations of the relationship are healthy, the manipulator can change, but if he has a toxic profile, then there is danger “, adds Sandra Barba..
If the relationship takes a more unhealthy turn with a loss of autonomy, an inability to say no, permanent guilt, the relationship must be closed and “find your needs, your limits, your values, your friends and your tastes”concludes the professional.