Equal Care Day
Men, please stop saying that sentence!
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He's definitely meant well, but it makes our author really angry. Here she explains why she hates it when her husband says "You just had to ask".
by Linda Rosenheimer
There is definitely a very good intention behind it, probably the sentence is even correct, but it still makes me mad. Yes, I probably just had to ask! Then I would probably have been helped too. but that is not the point. I don't want to have to ask, I'm not looking for an assistant, I want an equal partner. It is the year 2021, the times when it is great when the lovely husband helps clear the dishwasher should long be history!
I already have two children for whom I organize everything
Current studies show that women spend more hours doing housework than men – this in itself certainly does not surprise anyone who reads this text. The main thing that annoys me, however, is that I seem to have to ask if I want something done. Don't get me wrong, my husband is one of the good guys, he would actually help me with anything I ask. At least when I ask three to five times and do it very loudly the last time. It's just that we live together in one household and we are jointly responsible for it. But if I should always ask him about everything, then the entire mental load is probably up to me. And I do not want that. Because that means: I am responsible for the household. He only does what I ask.
Everyone who secretly thinks "Why is she like that now?" I would like to ask a counter question. Who is better to find – the colleague who takes on responsibility independently or the one who always says, when something has not been done, that you just had to ask him?
My neighbor Moni would help me immediately if I asked her
In fact, it's not about individual household chores that a woman usually takes on in the majority anyway. It's about the overall construct. And the sentence "You just had to ask me" implies that we are happy to work a little, but only upon explicit request. Incidentally, my neighbor Moni, my good friend Klaus and my best friend Lena would also help me immediately if I asked them, I'm quite sure, but that's not the point. I don't live with them and I have children.
I just want someone to take over all the tasks at home with me. Responsible. Like an adult. I already have enough children. I want (I write it that way!) That the man feels responsible and doesn't wait until he is warned for the tenth time or yelled at hysterically. Even if I'm there a few more hours because I traditionally work part-time. By the way, nobody has to ask me so that I can pick up the children, empty the dryer, go shopping or prepare the food, I just do it.
There is a plan now. Without any question marks
Sometimes, by the way, I just don't do things and wait to see if they'll be done after all. In this way I train myself to be more relaxed. Usually nothing happens (laundry doesn't go moldy in the machine that quickly!), I complain less, I don't ask anymore, I just give orders, like such a ruler. In the near future, the phrase "You just had to ask me" will certainly no longer come up with us. I made a plan, it says who has to do what. By the way, without any question marks.