Men say: This is what it means for me to be a man

What does it mean for men to be a man? We asked around!

Sina Teigelkötter and Alexandra Zykunov

It is not easy for you in times of "old white men", #MeToo follow-up debates and the new feminist demands. What does the world expect from you today? Are you annoyed with all the roll fuss? Or are the demands still far too timid? And: how do you feel at all?

The image of men has never been as complex as it is today. There is a niche for everyone and a bubble for everyone. Conservative playground dads, feminist Tinder kings, household professionals by day, whistles afterwards by night, "new" fathers next to "old", old white men next to young ones, straight, homo, trans. When is a man a man? Isn't the search for an alleged masculinity long out of date in 2020? Yes and no. Because: Even if we wish that there would only be "people" and no genders, our present is still filled with aggressive so-called "toxic" masculinity, dubious role models and unfairly distributed power. Yes, looking for "the" image of a man is just as idiotic as looking for "the" woman. But it helps to ask different men about their personal image of men. We did – and experienced a lot.

At the start of our eight-part series, the question is:

"What does it mean to you to be a man?"

Oskar Holzberg

67, couples therapist and BRIGITTE columnist, has been advising men and women in his Hamburg practice for over 20 years and has been married for over 30 years (current book: "Neue Schlüsselsätze der Liebe", DuMont)

I have no idea. I feel like a person. Which sounds so terribly spiritual and like do-gooder that I could throw up right away. To be a man means that I have to go to the toilet where the little human symbol on the door is wearing pants. And "man" wants to sell me bicycles that I can squeeze my testicles on, and clothes that all look the same. And I'm supposed to be bigger than these other non-males. But I'm not. Which means: I still have to grow. But I won't. Being a man sucks too.

Björn Süfke

48, male therapist, it has long been a concern that men deal more with themselves and their inner world – regardless of whether in therapy, with a woman or with a book ("Men: Invent. You. New", mosaic)

For me personally, being a man means: As a man, I work to ensure that in the future the question of what it means to be a man is no longer such a relevant question for men.

Jochen König

39, blogs and specifically gives "men tutoring" in workshops on the topic of "detoxmasculinity" ("Mom, Dad, Child? From singles, co-parents and other families", Herder)

At some point I realized that I couldn't do a lot of things that were expected of me based on a traditional image of men. For example, I would like to spend a lot of time at home with my children, even if they call me "mom" for it, I don't bring the money home and men on the Internet scold me that I'm not a real man. For me, being a man involves constant quarreling with social expectations, juggling with the associated responsibility and stumbling through the world with all the contradictions it entails.

Tarik Tesfu

35, comedian ("Tariks Trallafitti Show"), campaigns against sexism, racism, homophobia "and all the other nonsense" and co-moderates the NDR online format "deep and clear"

I think as much of the question of the importance of being a man as I think of Donald Trump's re-election as president.

Till Raether

51, writer, as a BRIGITTE author has written about almost all facets of being a man and a father ("I'll be … news from the middle of life", Rowohlt)

It means to me to play a role. Performing in a way that others understand belongs to this role: pat on the back, dad jokes, don't cry at the tax advisor. But for me it is only complete if, in the meantime, I allow myself to be super nice, like to cook and embroider, rather read books by women, mother my children (this word alone!) And tell my friends how I love her. I can only be a man if I don't care how it affects others.

Would you like to read more about the topic and exchange ideas with other women? Then have a look in the personality forum "der BRIGITTE community past!

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BRIGITTE 23/2020