He 47, she 19: pop singer Michael Wendler ("Egal") and Laura Müller live out their relationship in public – despite an age difference of 28 years. The two are aware that this is often met with critical voices. Still, they seem happy with each other. Actor Matthias Schweighöfer (39), who has been officially dating the 15 year younger Ruby O. Fee (24) since February 2019, is doing the same for them. But what appeals to young women about such a much older partner and can a relationship with a large age difference work? Two experts have the answers.
Relationships outside the "norm"
"A relationship that exceeds an age difference of more than ten years is considered to be deviating from the norm. In 2017, it was about seven percent of German couples who were above this 'norm'. In over 70 percent of cases, the man is older than that Woman. This is still this traditional age distribution, "explains Gianna Bacio in an interview with the spot on news news agency. In her podcast "Love your Sex", the sex educator speaks openly about topics relating to relationships and sex and also offers coaching.
The motivations behind relationships with such a large age difference can be completely different. "I think it is basically because we find the charm and youthfulness of a younger person attractive, on the other hand the life experience and success of an older person. That can compensate each other," says Bacio.
Partnership at eye level
The sex educator sees possible problems primarily in the way the partners deal with the age difference. "The older partner could be afraid that the younger partner would leave him for a person of the same age. At some point the head could say: 'What does this young person want with an old partner like me?', Although the feeling is there and everything is actually correct. "
That is why it is essential to trust the other person and to communicate a lot with him – just like in any other relationship. "Above all, it is important not to become disrespectful and not to take advantage of the age difference, because this can be very hurtful. Sentences of the younger part such as 'You can be glad that you got me off' no longer form the basis for being on an equal footing to speak, "advises the expert.
Difficulties in the future
For Silvia Fauck, couple therapist and author of "Mid Love Crisis: Relationship Tips for Advanced Users", a relationship with a large age difference primarily causes difficulties in planning the future together. "If the man is significantly younger than the woman, the man may want to have a child at some point, even though the woman is no longer able to have one," she says.
Another problem is when the age difference is extremely large, 20 years or more: "One should not forget that if one is 50, the other is 70, then it also starts with old age diseases."
That is why there is criticism from society
Fauck considers the relationship between Michael Wendler and Laura Müller to be "extremely worrying because it is so young". The age of the young influencer is also the reason why society reacts so critically to the happiness in love of the two. "If she was over 30 and he was significantly older, you would look at it differently. But when their relationship started, she was a student."
Bacio, whose partner is 14 years older than her, also knows: "Prejudices arise. An older man with a very young woman quickly thinks of a man's ego problem and a woman's father complex."
This is how couples should react to criticism
According to Bacio, it is crucial to find out what is behind the attraction to the partner. For example, as a younger person, one could ask the question: "Do I love this person or is it rather this father figure that awakens feelings in me?" She also recommends not to let other people's opinions get too close to her. "If you notice that it is becoming too disrespectful, you should perhaps also break off contact with them," says Bacio. "If there are deep feelings for each other, then I think: Let's go for this relationship!"