More than just words
How to recognize signs of verbal violence and how to protect yourself from them
© Piotr Marcinski / Adobe Stock
It would be nice if issues like violence in relationships weren’t part of everyday life. But since it can come in many forms and affect many people, it is more important to educate people about its manifestations.
In the case of verbal violence in particular, the people affected are often not sure whether they have actually been subjected to violence or not. Thoughts like: “I’m just imagining it” – or “It’s not that bad after all” try to mentally strengthen us that everything is actually fine with our relationship. But in most cases, the gut feeling is more than just a brief discomfort. It’s an intuition that wants to warn us about what might be happening to us. We’ve put together signs of verbal violence to look out for. By the way, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a man, a woman or a non-binary person – because verbal violence, like physical violence, does not stop at a specific gender.
How to recognize signs of verbal abuse
Even if verbal violence sounds loud and conspicuous at first, it can be rather insidious. This is also the reason why not everyone recognizes her when confronted with her. Verbal violence is a form of communication that causes emotional damage to another person – consciously, but also sometimes unconsciously. It can come, for example, from friends, partners, family members or from the work environment; and it is not always easy to recognize. Finally, sometimes malicious words can also be spoken with a smile or a hug.
You are denied feelings
One person’s feelings are negated by the other. What you felt in a situation “wasn’t like that at all”, “you’re exaggerating” or “it’s your own fault”. Instead of addressing your problems constructively, they push them aside. This form of verbal violence is also known to many as “gaslighting”. As a result, people not only doubt themselves, but also lose trust in other people around them due to the manipulative statements of their partner.
Threats are made
Your own behavior is restricted by threats. This can be phrases like “If you don’t stop now, I’ll freak out” – or it can refer to people who are important to the other person: “Do you complain to your best friend as much? Maybe I should do that to him tell everything.” Among other things, threats to physical actions are made, which should be directed against the loved ones of: the other. Here the affected person is silenced by a mentally built up pressure. People who are in such a relationship usually learn to adapt more and more in order not to trigger a reaction from the other. The emotional abuse here serves to frighten and thereby make docile.
Do’s and don’ts commands
“I don’t want you to date this person. They don’t have their life under control, it’s bad company for you.” – a nicely packaged command that we should always question. The decision not to see a person anymore is up to us. Perhaps the impetus for thought is a correct one, because we ourselves are too used to the things that we experience, for example, in a friendship. The person who uttered this sentence may also see a danger in the contact. Because friends make us, among other things, more independent and independent – and a social network is a form of security that may be broken by verbal violence.
jokes at the expense of others
Degrading nicknames can be a form of verbal violence – or jokes related to character, appearance or behavior, among other things. Maybe a hobby that the:other person doesn’t like – and a recurring “are you doing that nonsense again?” creepingly eats its way deeper into self-confidence. It can also be that words like “that’s something for children” are used to make the affected person feel worse. The goal: to make others look ridiculous and to reshape them according to their own standards.
convey guilt
Subtle blame is often used to evade one’s own responsibilities or to impose new ones on the other person. It can be statements like “my friends always ask why you didn’t come with me” or “I have to do everything here by myself” – something that targets the other person’s self-worth and feels like: You’re not enough like this. you’re doing it wrong
It is not your fault if you are the victim of verbal abuse
Those who experience physical or verbal abuse are not at fault. Nothing can justify behavior that pushes people to their emotional limits. Being able to spot the signs early, as subtle as they can be, can help protect you physically and psychologically. Verbal violence can also cause physical stress reactions, among other things. But what is the best way to react when you are in such a situation? For example, at the initial stage, the following tactics are recommended:
- Rely on your own gut feeling
- Withdraw from the situation instead of responding – calm down and then neutrally address the other person as to what triggered what was said
- Take a deep breath and ask others to stop, make yourself aware: I’m not the problem.
- Use positive affirmations
- Become aware of your own values and limits – and set the latter
- Practice self-love and work on self-confidence
- “I won’t keep talking to you if you talk to me like that”
If there is frequent verbal violence in a relationship, whether romantic, platonic or family, it can make sense to seek professional help. The helpline offers a first point of contact for all forms of violence:
Sources used: yourtango.com, kraftwerk info.at, verywellmind.com, psychcentral.com