My child masturbates: how to react?

Yes, even children masturbate. Nothing sexual here, they are just discovering their body. Catherine Verdier, psychologist, tells us how to react if, as a parent, we catch our child caressing.

The fascination of the body arrives very quickly in the child. He discovers, explores sensations, touches himself, caresses himself. And while this is quite normal, this period is often difficult for many parents to deal with. Certain negative reactions on their part can also have consequences on the child and the vision of his body. This is why it is necessary to be informed on the subject and to learn to avoid certain behaviors, so as not to create embarrassment or a feeling of shame. Catherine Verdier, psychologist, therapist, analyst for children and adolescents and founder of psyfamilleexplains how to react to this situation.

See also: parents facing child masturbation

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Is your child fondling himself? It’s normal !

Have you caught your child touching or caressing their private parts? Rest assured, all children go through this: there is nothing serious, he just discovers his body. As the expert explains, for him, it has nothing to do with sexuality. “As soon as he is very small, he feels, explores this body diagram with touch. His five senses are put into action and for him, it is above all a game of discovery of sensations ”, she says.

Around two to three years old, they can start to masturbate in the bath, for example, without really knowing what they are doing. They just love this feeling of caress, well-being, and explore. Often, for the specialist, this new behavior coincides with the first questions of the type ‘How do we make babies?’. “There is no intentionality in their gestures, it’s natural”, she says.

Why does this make parents uncomfortable?

Many parents are embarrassed, uncomfortable just naming the private parts of their children. They prefer to use words like pussy and penis so that they don’t have to say vulva and penis. Inappropriate words for toddlers, according to them. Just look at the survey conducted by the British company Eve Appeal to understand it: one in two parents uses euphemisms to evoke the private parts of their children and 31% of them believe that this vocabulary should not be used before at least 11 years old.

Conceiving that a child of a young age can masturbate can be complicated. “Parents are uncomfortable because they put other intentions behind these caresses. They associate them directly with sexuality, even though the child is not yet interested in that ”, says the psychologist. In this kind of situation, the main thing is to play down and above all to talk about it!

Read also: “Zézette, pussy, vulva …”: what names to give to the private parts of our children?

How to react ?

Whether you catch your child masturbating or come over to ask you questions about their private parts, it is important to pay attention to your reaction. “Certain behaviors are to be avoided, in particular anything which could indicate that it is dirty, or shameful. The fact of telling them not to touch each other or to remove their hand from there… or even worse, the famous phrase ‘beware your penis will fall’. These injunctions are to be banned ”, warns Catherine Verdier. And for good reason, it could cause them discomfort and, in the future, a distorted view of sexuality and their body. Touching yourself is not dirty, but natural, and even healthy!

For the expert, we must also avoid sending the child to his room abruptly or arguing: “It will make the child think that there is something negative, that there is something wrong, which bothers the adult. He will wonder why this behavior is prohibited. “

But then how to react? “You have to talk about it with him, name things using the right vocabulary (vagina, penis, vulva etc, editor’s note)”, advises the specialist. Before adding: “Explain to him that this is something intimate. That he has the right to explore his privacy but outside of someone else’s vision. He can go to his room, which is his territory. ” It is also important to talk to him about prohibited actions. In short, his body belongs to him, and no one has the right to touch his private parts as he can. Even his parents. But that he also does not have the right to touch those of a classmate at school or of an adult, even at his request, because it is a private space.

Read also: Incest: how to learn the gestures prohibited to our children?

When to talk to them about sex?

“Children are interested in sex at all ages. They ask more and more specific questions as they grow and develop and, at the time of puberty, experimentation replaces questions ”, says Catherine Verdier.

She recommends waiting for a child to come and ask the questions on their own before talking to them and explaining things to them. On the other hand, if you catch him, it is essential to have the discussion directly. “Children need explanations, without giving them a biological presentation”, she continues.

If you find it difficult to tackle the subject on your own, there are many books to go with you. Here is our selection:

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Elise Poiret

Journalist specializing in parenthood, Elise writes for aufeminin and Parole de mamans. She is also very involved in the fight for women’s rights. If you only have to remember …