“My husband and his awesome ex-girlfriend – “My husband and his awesome ex-girlfriend” – When ex-partners stay friends can’t take it!”

After the separation
“My Husband and His Awesome Ex-Girlfriend” – When ex-partners remain friends

I’m not very jealous. For real. Actually, I think it’s totally okay when you meet people of the opposite sex. Especially when it comes to me. I really like meeting a colleague, an ex-boyfriend, a buddy. Of course my husband should too, he should be happy.

But there is this one woman who makes me nervous. She’s from his past – and she’s pretty and smart and funny. Which in itself wouldn’t be so bad. But the two were once a couple, for a long time, but very inconsistent. Separated twice in five years if I remember correctly. But then they found each other again. All of that was ten years ago.

I first met this one woman, let’s call her Sophie, when he and I had known each other for a few months. I liked her. What I didn’t like was the way he and she greeted each other. They hugged each other for a very long time and very intimately. For my standards it was somehow too much. From then on I was vigilant when he was in contact with her. When he spoke of her, it was always in the highest tones. “Sophie now has a new job, it’s exactly what she wanted.” Or “Sophie now has this beautiful new apartment around the corner from us”.

Somehow I was suspicious of Sophie with her big brown eyes, curly dark hair and her 1.57 cm. I felt threatened by this pretty, smart, sweet and very kind person who saved lives as a nurse – and looked like a young Winona Ryder at the same time. Beside her, I felt very average at the time, with my not-very-cute measurements, blonde half-length hair, and my job that didn’t involve rescuing anyone. She had also been there before me. She unsettled me.

Every time my husband and she met, he asked me if I wanted to go with him, once I stupidly said “yes”. I didn’t really like the intimacy between the two because of their long history together, although both tried to engage me in the conversation. Somehow they kept coming back to the old days, acquaintances from their hometown or funny stories from school. After an hour I left with an excuse.

After that I just pretended for a long time that Sophie didn’t exist.

“You fit Fabian much better. It’s been 100 years with us,” she said

Until I met her about a year later at a party where I was without my husband. She came up to me, beaming with joy, and hugged me. And then something happened that totally surprised me. We talked forever and really well. We’d both had a drink, so maybe that’s why we were a little more open than we would otherwise have been. At some point she said: “I’m so glad that Fabian has you now. This Sandra, who came after me, was totally stupid.” In fact, I had only heard stories from Sandra. But that was enough.

It must have been after the fifth beer when I heard myself say, “You two get along so well, sometimes I wonder why you broke up in the first place.” I’ve rarely heard anyone laugh so loudly. “Are you serious?” Sophie just snorted. “We were a terrible couple. We were both so happy when it was finally over.”, she said, still gasping for air. “You fit Fabian much better. And it’s been 100 years with us.”

Since that evening I’ve been much more relaxed when it comes to Sophie. The other day I said that I find it strange that all of Fabian’s ex-girlfriends are so small and cute and dark-hairedare. He just said: “I don’t base my affection for someone on the color of their hair, apart from the fact that you’re much prettier than Sophie.”

I don’t think so, by the way. But I plan to be happy that my husband has such good taste. That he has an ex-girlfriend who is smart and beautiful and social at the same time. Somehow that speaks indirectly for me too. I still don’t go to their meetings anymore, I don’t have to have that old intimacy, the way they hug for a minute. But that’s totally okay.