As a parent, it’s not always easy to know how to react when a teenager asks you for the first time to go out to a club. Elena Goutard, parental and family coach, gives us her advice on the attitude to adopt and the framework to impose.
When you are a parent of a teenager comes the moment, one day, that some dread, when he asks us “Can I go clubbing this weekend please?”. In the space of an instant, it is as if time had stopped and all of a sudden it had grown. That your little baby, who until now needed you for everything, was gradually making his life. For parents it can be difficult to accept, but especially some do not know how to react to this type of question. Elena Goutard*, parental and family coach, explains to us that above all it is important that the parent adopts a fairly open attitude in front of her child.
“You shouldn’t reject your teenager’s request all at once. Unless the latter has already disappointed you in the past. Instead, you have to listen to him, understand why he wants to go out in clubs now, try to understand the reasons for their choice, says the expert. This is the first step and it can help you make your decision.
Beware of the consequences of a definite “no”
As a parent, we don’t always think about it, but a categorical “no” may have consequences on the child and in particular on the parent-child relationship. “It is often said that adolescence is not the age when we forbid things. Because the more we forbid, the better they learn to deceive us and lie to us”supports the parental coach.
“This refusal can cause your child to withdraw or even rebel. This is why it is so important to communicate. Even if you do not agree, you must clearly express the reasons for your ‘ no’. And if we tell him why we are afraid to let him out, the teenager can perhaps reassure us about his attentions. It gives him material to reassure us and that can be beneficial”, she adds. Of course, this decision is yours by right, do not feel guilty, it can even be legitimate if in the past your teenager has not respected the rules that you had set for him.
Imposing a framework that your teenager must respect
If you accept that your teenager goes out at night, it is also important that he impose a framework with rules. Setting a time at which he must return, appointing someone to pick him up and bring him home… It’s important to keep these details in mind, for you and for your teenager.
“And if the rules are not respecteddo not hesitate to apply penalties and tell him up front. If he has followed all the rules, it can also be positive consequences. You can imagine that for his next outing the schedule for returning will be more flexible. This will show him that you trust him. Conversely, if he does not keep his word, he shows you that he is not mature enough to date. You have to be quite strict on this so that the child can gradually gain maturity and responsibilities”, advises Elena Goutard.
Do not transmit your fears to your teenager
If you are afraid for your teenager, imagining the dangers (alcohol, drugs, inappropriate behavior, sexual assault, etc.) they may face when they go out, it is better not to convey your emotions or your fears to them, which are once again everything. absolutely legitimate. On the other hand, you can gently explain things to him, without adding an additional layer of anxiety, especially if your teenager is of a sensitive or anxious nature.
What does the law say about night outings for minors?
In France, access to nightclubs for minors is regulated in part by article 3342-3 of the law on public health, applicable for night bars as well as discotheques. :
- If your teenager is under 16, he is not allowed to enter a nightclub without being accompanied by one of his parents or any other adult having responsibility for him.
- The sale of alcohol is strictly prohibited to minors.
However, there are establishments that organize parties for minors. Access to these clubs is authorized for some from the age of 13, and of course no alcohol is offered for sale.
*Thanks to Elena Goutard, parent and family coach, for answering our questions. She offers consultations in her office but also by videoconference. You can find all the details on their website.
Since September 2021, Lisa has joined the Aufeminin team. Little by little she specialized in subjects related to parenthood. Curious and passionate about writing, she likes to tell …