psychology
That’s the difference between healthy self-esteem and narcissism
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Narcissistic people have excessive self-confidence? On the contrary. A study shows the crucial difference between narcissism and healthy self-esteem.
First of all, let’s talk about the similarities: both narcissism and a healthy one Self-esteem includes a positive self-perception – but this perception is very different in both cases.
The popular belief is that narcissistic people have a lot of – even too much – self-confidence. But that’s not true. Because while healthy self-confidence is all about seeing ourselves as valuable, with narcissism this self-esteem usually results in people taking themselves too seriously and focusing very much only on their own needs.
Self-confidence and narcissism: “I am valuable” vs. “I am special”
A person who has healthy self-esteem might say, “I am good and valuable,” while a narcissistic person would say, “I am special” or “I am the best here.” This means that this person always puts themselves above others, while a self-confident person recognizes their own worth independently of others.
People with narcissistic tendencies feel superior to others, their entire self-image is based on the outside – how they see themselves in comparison to these others and, above all, how others see them. The supposedly good self-confidence quickly collapses like a house of cards when someone criticizes a narcissistic person.
On the other hand, if someone has a healthy self-confidence, this feeling of self-worth is detached from others – the person recognizes their value as a human being regardless of the outside world and the opinions of others.
Study examines the differences between narcissistic and self-confident people
One could make this crucial difference Dutch study can already be recognized in children under the leadership of Eddie Brummelman from the University of Amsterdam. For the study, a group of 71 children aged four and a half years were each asked to sing a song in front of their parents, a person filming and one of the researchers. Before, during and after this performance, various vital signs and physiological reactions of the children were measured to evaluate how nervous they felt.
Three years later, at the age of seven and a half, the children were asked to fill out psychological questionnaires to find out whether they exhibit narcissistic traits and/or what their self-confidence is like.
The result of the study: The children who were later diagnosed with narcissism were very nervous, especially before the performance, while the children with healthy self-confidence were not particularly excited either before, after or during the performance.
Self-confidence does not depend on external circumstances
The researchers concluded that narcissistic people feel insecure when they fear being evaluated and judged. Those with healthy self-esteem, on the other hand, have internalized that even if they perform poorly, they do not lose their value as a person, which is why they are not so afraid of it.
Of course, self-confident people can also suffer from stage fright and be afraid of speaking in front of many people. But they can handle a bad review and the possibility of someone making fun of them better than fragile people with narcissistic tendencies. And this deeply anchored self-esteem, which is not dependent on the outside, is the crucial difference between narcissism and healthy self-confidence.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com, psychcentral.com