Finally believe in yourself and your own strengths – impossible? Not at all, says neurobiologist Marcus Täuber: it’s all a matter of practice.
Oh, dear self-confidence: too much of it and we appear conceited and arrogant, as if our every word should be valued in gold and our every action should be applauded and admired. Too little and we lose ourselves in self-doubt, scurry under the nearest stone as soon as eyes are on us and would prefer to act in the background as much as possible.
As is often the case with extremes, these two are not particularly healthy. Mediocrity is usually what people strive for anyway. But for many, self-confidence seems to be a good that is unattainable. To add even more pressure: Yes, self-confidence is very important in life. No, self-confidence is not necessarily something you are born with, but is something you can work towards, explains the neurobiologist and author Dr. Marcus Täuber in an interview.
Why self-confidence is so important
Self-confidence is often used synonymously with terms such as self-confidence and self-esteem – in fact, all three are partly mutually dependent. The “Relationship Center” defines the three terms quite clearly:
- self-esteem means how much a person values themselves, although perceptions from the social environment can also play a role.
- self-consciousness means that we know ourselves, for example our abilities, limitations and talents.
- Last means that Confidence the extent to which we trust our own abilities, gut feeling and decisions.
For example, anyone who has healthy self-confidence knows about their own abilities – and is confident in them if they also have a good level of self-confidence. However, self-confidence alone is not enough; we also need the willingness to act accordingly. “Exuding confidence helps people gain credibility, make a strong first impression, deal with pressure and overcome personal and professional challenges,” says Psychology Today.
The key to success?
Let’s assume there are two women in a company. Both are highly intelligent and have absolutely first-class skills. One of the two is rather shy, reserved and has a childlike demeanor. The other is self-confident, strong and communicative. And now the question: Which of the two has made a career?
Of course, it is not every person’s goal to climb the career ladder. Some people are bothered by the stress and responsibility that comes with higher positions. But how often do those who are reserved – but no less technically competent – have the feeling that they are being overlooked in terms of their careers? Let’s think about all the superiors we’ve had over us over the course of our professional lives. Were these people cautious, timid, reserved? Or rather self-confident, strong in communication and opinions?
One is not necessarily superior to the other, some characteristics are no better or worse than others. However, the fact is that people who are silent are rarely heard. If you don’t want that anyway, don’t attach great importance to working life and have found meaning in other areas of life: wonderful. But anyone who is bothered by it can work on it, explains neurobiologist Täuber.
“You could say that there is a coordinate system. There is empathy on the Every person would have a mixture of both, depending on certain situations, such as the professional context. “Anyone who has a lot of authority but little warmth will quickly be perceived as arrogant, creates envy in others and will not be well received. And if someone has a lot of warmth but little competence, then the person will simply be perceived as ‘nice’.” The mix would be the key here, says Täuber: empathy and assertiveness. And often we would be missing one of the two.
What matters
Every person has to learn to set their own boundaries. Some learn this as small children, others have to teach themselves as adults. “The first step is about perception,” explains the neurobiologist. After all, boundaries are very individual and what drives one person crazy may not be worth mentioning to another. “Where am I literally being ripped off, where am I not setting enough boundaries?” It is important that we become aware of what really bothers us.
In the next step we train the two axes: Empathy and warmth can be trained, for example, through the Love Kindness meditation. For example, “Greater Good Science Center” employee and professor Eve Ekman’s version goes like this:
- Sit comfortably or lie down if necessary
- Bring your attention to breathing and the abdominal area
- Notice the sensation of breathing as your belly rises and falls
- Visualize a person who you know has your best interests at heart
- Now imagine this person sitting in front of you and smiling at you
- Imagine that the person really wants you to have a good life, sitting across from you with a smile and bright eyes
- Now draw in this person’s good intentions with each breath
In order to train our repartee, Täuber advises us to imagine ourselves in the shoes of a person who has absolutely no problem with this topic and serves as our role model. It would be important to pay attention to how this feels for us and how our body language changes. Speaking of the body: The neurobiologist recommends paying attention to your own posture, because sitting upright and breathing deeply, “proudly” stretching your chest upwards, sends signals to the brain. “Making our chests proud also makes us feel prouder.”
Self-confidence can be created through the body, through images, explains Täuber. Positive feelings that don’t always have a good image in our society. “Not exactly pride. But it’s not about being proud of the football club or the country, but of what I’ve achieved through my own commitment.”
The book “Good Feelings – Use the Emotional Strengths of Your Brain” by Dr. Marcus Täuber asks important questions: What makes our lives colorful and beautiful? What allows mental wounds to heal and inspires us? What characterizes outstanding people? How we feel is what counts – whether women or men, whether children or old people. Using findings from brain research, the neurobiologist would like to show readers how the emotional side of our brain works and give tips on how we can integrate this knowledge into our everyday lives. Published by Goldegg Verlag.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com, relationszentrum.de, ggia.berkeley.edu