If all couples aspire to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship, a balanced relationship requires putting some habits in place. “We need feelings, respect and trust”,emphasizes Christian Richomme, psychoanalyst. “We also need a common desire to walk a part of the way together, accepting each other’s differences.”
How to build a healthy romantic relationship?
Don’t stay in fantasy
Staying in the fantasy is the first risk of the encounter. “There is a discrepancy if we base ourselves on a partner we idealize and not on the one we actually have in front of us.” observes the professional.
Know yourself and reveal yourself to others
At the start of a story, it is not always easy to open up to others and explain their needs and expectations. However, it is essential to “unveil its mode of operation”, explains the psychoanalyst. “We tend to walk on eggshells at the beginning and yet, we must know how to distill our desires as the relationship progresses to indicate these elements to the other.”
Have effective communication
It’s not about talking for long hours! “Conflicts, misunderstandings and arguments will appear. It is important to find solutions together and agreed”, underlines Christian Richomme. It is also important to preserve your secret garden and in particular its past. It’s not about lying but rather not telling everything. “Having had other relationships allows us to have experience and to know ourselves better but also reinforces our fears. It is good to be careful of our excesses and that the other does not press on them.”
Respect your freedom and that of others
When meeting, we often have only one desire, to spend a lot of time with the other person, and we therefore always make ourselves available. However, for the professional, it is essential to preserve a certain form of independence, their own but also that of the other to avoid “suffocation”.
Respect your limits and define those of the couple
This is an often forgotten step within a relationship and which can have longer-term repercussions. “We must define the limits of the couple, its organization, its rhythm and its rules. Which couple do we want to build with what instructions?” adds Christian Richomme.
Have short and medium term projects
This phase is important because it allows us to measure everyone’s commitment. By also avoiding immediately projecting into the next 5 years, the other person is not put under pressure if he or she is also less ready. “We must build together but gradually at each individual’s pace: share moments, activities, discuss our passions, discover friends, loved ones and prepare for moments together.” deciphers Christian Richomme.
Do not try to change the other
By accepting your partner, as he is, it proves that you are in reality and not in the fantasy of an idealized half.
Accept that a relationship is a risk
A meeting does not come with a guarantee that the relationship will work and turn into a great love story. “It may or may not work. But by nurturing your relationship day after day, you are taking the right path,” specifies the psychoanalyst.
“If some of these points are missing, we need to work on them,” advises Christian Richomme. “Otherwise the relationship risks being shaky. It can continue over time but can be frustrating, because it will be based on reason and not passion”concludes the professional.