New Year's Eve is an asshole
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Our author has a mixed relationship with New Year's Eve. Their solution: New Year's Eve is an asshole parties. Once you have made up your mind not to have any fun that night, the turn of the year runs like clockwork.
by Marie Stadler
You can still be sociable. Find parties great. Life, love, people in and of themselves. But New Year's Eve – that's where the fun ends, doesn't it? For my part, I basically have the feeling that I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time, when the champagne corks pop and everyone stumbled into each other's arms. My disproportion to New Year's Eve runs like a red thread through my life. Even as a child, I regularly overslept that one big moment, even though I was promised to wake me up. As a teen, I somehow ended up at the parties where my little world kept going down on New Year's Eve. Well, teeny worlds go under quickly.
New Years Eve, I gave you a lot of chances
As I got older, I kept trying New Year's Eve. The balance so far: Stuck on a shell roof in danger of collapsing. Exploding missile in the window of my taxi. Me as an unwanted guest at my ex-boyfriend's New Year's party. Midnight only with strangers on a broken train. Embarrassing SMS to ex-friends, which I should regret bitterly the following year. The insight on December 31st that I should no longer receive an invitation for the one-and-only party. The list is as long as it is pathetic.
My solution: New Year's Eve is an asshole parties
A few years ago a friend told me that she felt the same way. Every year the hope that this turn of the year could finally be fun. And every year anew the realization: If you want too much, you get absolutely nothing – except maybe the next drama. So we decided: Stop it. We got together and had our first New Year's Eve is an asshole party. Invited guests: you and me. Dress code: pajamas. Evening program: nothing special. With the relaxing feeling that nothing more exciting would happen today, we lay down in her bed, began to drink and watched dully on TV as all the madmen trampled on their feet in front of the Brandenburg Gate. At 10 p.m. the doorbell rang. Two buddies were at the door. Whether they could still take part in our swan song for the prescribed fun at the end of the year. With this attitude they were of course very welcome.
We are now legendary
They weren't our only guests. All the frustrated, lonely, bad-tempered and displaced gradually came to our lackluster non-party. We distributed pajamas and simply threw the streamers we brought out of the window. We didn't need that kind of stuff. Damages the image of a SIEA party (New Year's Eve is an asshole party). Also prohibited: pouring lead, raclette machines, sparkling wine. Only hard stuff is drunk. Because New Year's Eve refusal is only for tough people. Those who have already experienced a lot on evenings like this.
I hate to admit it – but now I even have a little fun on New Year's Eve. Because I know what to expect. Because I no longer have any expectations. And because nobody asks me anymore: What are you doing on New Year's Eve? Everyone just knows: I don't do anything. And that's just as well.
In this sense:
Happy New Year, all you crazy people out there!