Please shut up!
13 sentences that newly separated mothers can no longer hear
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Breakups hurt. Breakups mean burying dreams. Breakups never happen lightly and breakups are talked about a lot, commented on and everyone has good advice. “Just shut up,” says our newly separated author.
1. I would never have thought that, you were such a beautiful couple. (Yes No…)
2. Have you thought about this carefully? (No, I thought of it last night and then I just thought I’d break up.)
3. Hopefully this won’t cause any long-term damage to the children. (Thanks, this is especially helpful because the children are of course the ones you worry about the most.)
4. You could have held out a little longer just because of the children. (Sure, I’ll just suffer in silence for the next 20 years. They probably won’t notice.)
5. People didn’t break up so quickly in the past. (1. Fast is relative, how do you know how long things have been going bad? 2. In the past, different times and most women were completely financially dependent on their husband.)
6. Are the children all from the same man? (Uh, yeah, what are you trying to tell me with this question? That I’m too stupid to be in a relationship but I’m still getting pregnant?)
7. A child doesn’t save a marriage. (…)
8. I didn’t think you were a good match anyway. (But never said anything before…?!)
9. Now you finally have time for yourself again, enjoy it! (This is hell on earth, I don’t want time for myself, I want distraction.)
10. You only ever see the negative. (Yes, because everything really sucks right now.)
11. Have you really tried everything? (see 2.)
12. I really don’t want to trade places with you… (It’s a shame actually.)
13. Phew, getting to know someone at your age and with children isn’t that easy anymore. (Oh wow, I feel better now.)
Which really helps
A breakup is hard. A breakup feels like dying and burying at the same time. It hurts from the inside, from the outside, everywhere and you think that feeling of a huge black stone in your stomach will never go away. And then there is the lifelong dream that has to be buried. The perfect family, the desire to grow old with one and the same partner. Everyday moments that will no longer exist. The loss of a home, of security. And suddenly you’re sitting alone at the table with the children. That can be good, but it can still hurt like hell. The only correct sentences after a breakup are: “I’m sorry,” because it’s sad. “This is definitely a hard time for you” – compassion is good. And instead of constantly designing new apocalyptic scenarios, what helps most is confidence. Because there’s often not that much left of it after a separation. To everyone out there going through a breakup: “You can do it! There will be brighter days.”