Nova Meierhenrich’s father was depressed and committed suicide. The presenter went unnoticed co-depressed. She later wrote a book about it. Nova wanted her story, which the media “blackmailed” her with, to be hers again. At Mental Health Matters, she now explains how relatives of the mentally ill can protect themselves.
“I protected my family’s history for 18 years – until a newspaper called …”, Nova Meierhenrich, 47, recalls in an interview with Mental Health Matters. It happened that shouldn’t have happened: Her father’s suicide and depression became public – against the will of the presenter.
However, Nova’s tragic family story began several decades earlier – with the bankruptcy of her father’s company. The family of the former VIVA and MTV presenter lost almost everything, her father fell into a hole, withdrew, changed. His depression went undetected for years, Nova later became his caregiver, and then also fell ill with depression.
In the interview, Meierhenrich explains – the celebrities who Mental Health Week from October 8th to 18th supports – which symptoms can be used to recognize the disease earlier and how relatives can protect themselves better than they did.
Nova Meierhenrich: “They said that they would do a cover story whether I wanted to or not”
The press got wind of your family history at the time, but you had never spoken about it publicly or reported about it. That gave the impetus for your book. She wanted your story to be yours again.
I protected my family’s history for 18 years – for good reason – until a year after my father’s death a newspaper called me and practically blackmailed me on the phone. They said they were doing a cover story whether I like it or not. But I am welcome to comment on it. With what right? Especially with me, who had hardly ever talked about anything private from her life.
It was overbearing and I don’t wish anyone anything like that – except for the journalists involved, so that they can feel what it feels like when everything is torn out of your hand.
If I hadn’t been completely overwhelmed at the time, I wouldn’t have given an interview, I would have taken a lawyer.
As a journalist, one headline can sometimes be used to control a person’s entire life. One should be aware of this.
When was the happiest time you saw your father?
Throughout my childhood. My father was an absolute family man and always focused on my siblings, mother and me. It was important to him to spend a lot of time with us. My mother told me that in the 1970s he was one of the first fathers to proudly carry me around town in a swaddle in front of my chest.
On Saturday mornings he was also happy to put us in the car without telling us where we were going. Then we stopped in front of Cologne Cathedral, for example, because he really wanted to show us. Or we went on long mudflat walks on vacation in Denmark.
Nova’s close relationship with her father continues after his death
In Denmark, your father was buried anonymously at his own request. What is your relationship with him today?
I visit him several times a year and tell him about my life.
I have a very close relationship with my father – and with the place where he is now.
In 1993 your father’s company had to file for bankruptcy. He then withdrew. When did you realize something was wrong with him?
It took a while. It was a no-fault bankruptcy, a fraud in which he lost everything he had built up for his family: car, house, children’s education accounts … He could no longer provide for his family. In retrospect, that broke my father. The bankruptcy process dragged on for years, my father was in survival mode – until we realized that the hole he had fallen into was deeper than expected.
In addition, the subject of depression was a totally taboo subject in the early 1990s.
That was added. At that time there was no talk about mental illness – just as little about bankruptcy and certainly not in a small town. That’s why we didn’t realize at first that my father might be suffering from depression.
How did your father change?
Depression is noticeable, among other things, through atypical changes in personality and behavior. For example, someone who has always sought contact with his family suddenly withdraws and cannot leave his room. That is an absolute red flag. That is no longer a small hole. It was the same with my father until my mother sought help.
Nova became the caregiver of her suicidal father
At some point your father was diagnosed with “severe depression” …
… which wasn’t a severe depression at the beginning. The disease is easily curable if it is recognized early. However, if left untreated, depression manifests itself over the years. Unfortunately, that happened to my father. Those affected depend on having a family doctor who can quickly identify and act on mental illness, as this is often the first point of contact and can issue a referral to a psychologist.
How did his depression affect your life?
At the time of bankruptcy, I was just moving out to college. When I came home on the weekends, at some point I noticed that my father was no longer there as always and wanted to know everything that was new in my life. Sometimes he would only come out of his room briefly to say “hello”.
When it became clear that he was sick, I exchanged a lot with my mother, with whom I have a very close relationship, and tried to get my father out of his shell with activities such as excursions. In the last few years I have become more and more of a person he can relate to.
I.Your father also confronted you with his suicidal thoughts.
He was always open about it, including my mother. Unfortunately, he made this very clear when he was in the worst phase of the illness.
Nova fell ill with co-depression: “I felt incredibly safe and overlooked the symptoms”
In the course of this, they fell ill with co-depression. How did that happen?
I haven’t managed to protect myself, to set myself apart. That is one thing that I am happy to pass on today: Only a healthy person can help a sick person. That went terribly wrong for me at the beginning, even though I was firmly convinced that something like this couldn’t happen to me. I thought I knew everything about this disease, felt insanely safe and ignored the symptoms until the end.
When did you realize that you needed help yourself?
I don’t have that. A very good friend noticed this and approached me about it. At the time, I was working a lot, flying around, sometimes being in three or four countries a week. I thought it was legitimate to spend my free time on the couch and not want to see anyone. I had an excuse for everything.
But my friend did not give up. For her sake, I went to an initial meeting. I wanted to prove to her that everything was fine – and then I collapsed and was in therapy for two years.
That is why it is also important to sensitize those around you. Let your loved ones know to tell you if you’ve changed or if something is wrong.
Nova Meierhenrich’s book “If Love Isn’t Enough” was published on October 5, 2018 and is now a bestseller.
© PR
What did you learn about yourself in therapy that you would have liked to have known earlier?
Many things were clear to me, but first I had to accept them. I’ve learned how to be more loving with myself. I tend to be too strict with myself. I don’t have to do everything, I don’t have control over everything – just like over my father’s illness. It is not my responsibility. That helped me during that time.
With the series of interviews “Mental Health Matters”, GALA would like to focus on the topic of mental health, educate it and de-stigmatize mental illnesses.
Sources used: own interview, instagram.com