When a couple separates in Switzerland, it is still normal for most of the children to live with the mother. The times when fathers only saw their offspring every second weekend after a separation or divorce and otherwise mainly paid maintenance contributions are over – at least in urban areas. More and more families are now organized in such a way that mothers and fathers share the upbringing and care of their offspring. This also includes the holidays, which are often a headache for single parents.
Legend:
Single men often wish they could spend more time with their children.
key stone
The same goes for Vincent Bourqui from Freiburg. Despite the separation from his ex-partner, he still wants to spend as much time as possible with his two children (8 and 10 years old) – and go on vacation with them. “It’s not easy as a man. You always have to justify yourself. With acquaintances, if you want to be away alone with the children for a longer period of time. At the employer, if you want to reduce the workload. It’s a constant struggle to be recognized as a legitimate dad.”
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Bourqui is not alone with this feeling, as a newly published study by the Freiburg School of Social Work shows. This interviewed various daddies and experts who lived separately. “Most fathers say the same thing: they want to take on more responsibility for their upbringing and not just mainly pay,” says study author Annamaria Colombo.
Men want to take on more responsibility for their upbringing and not just mainly pay.
But this is not easy. Because in many places the image is firmly anchored that the man pays for the maintenance and the woman takes care of the children. On the one hand, many companies required men to work full-time. On the other hand, the authorities almost automatically grant the mothers custody. Not infrequently, however, it is also due to the mothers who questioned the role of father. “You don’t trust the fathers to look properly at the children after a separation. Dress them appropriately and do age-appropriate things with them,” explains Colombo.
What do the solo dads really need to be able to better fulfill their role as fathers despite the separation? On the one hand, many wanted the advice of experts, on the other hand, the exchange with other fathers and holiday offers, as they have been for single mothers for years.
More time for children thanks to dad’s holiday camp
That’s why Pro Junior Freiburg ran a holiday camp last summer as a test run to reconcile these needs. Vincent Bourqui was there. Workshops and exchanges for the fathers took place in the mornings, and in the afternoons the fathers could do something with their children themselves. “The mix of holidays and the exchange with other dads proved to be ideal and helped me.” For him it was about finding his new role as a solo father, says Bourqui.
Now, next August, there will be another holiday camp for single men and their children. The pilot project is set to run for three years. If everything goes according to plan and is well received by solo fathers, the camps will take place every summer in the future.