open letter to my rapist

On this International Day of Struggle for Women's Rights, I was tired in advance. Every year, we see inappropriate initiatives, which drain us emotionally. And then I discovered the front page of Liberation: a letter entitled "I raped, you raped, we raped". The pompom. I immediately asked myself: "But why do we give a voice to rapists?"

Read also : "Letter from a rapist": when Liberation slaps feminists

I don't want to listen to a rapist, I already know what's on the mind of these men, or at least my rapist's, and that's ugly. Yes, I would like him to confess, but not to be outspoken, to justify himself.
Me, when I talk about the rapes that I have suffered, there are always people who tell me "Yes finally, and the evidence?" The letter in Libé created anger. She brought up the trauma. That of having lived for two years with a man who forced me into sexual touching, then marital rape, manipulation, and finally, harassment. Even after the relationship was over, even after I left to live on the other side of the world, he and his friends would insult me ​​on the networks, make fun of me, of my body …

He confessed that he raped me for years after I fell asleep

My rapist even created an account under a fake name on Twitter to come talk to me. Eventually I found out the truth and saw that he was spying on my networks, that he had developed an obsession with me. He wanted to take power, as he had already done with marital rape. Twitter also allowed me to connect with the young woman he later dated, and she told me he told her:"I don't feel like I raped her, but if she felt it like that, it must be true". As if we could unintentionally rape … He also admitted the facts to me, one night when I ran into him in a bar and told him that if he insulted me again, we would talk again in court. He panicked and he confessed that yes he raped me for years after I fell asleep sometimes also when I was struggling that he blackmailed cheating with other women to force me to accept sex (which, legally, is also rape). This "awareness" lasted a week, then he resumed the harassment on the networks.

The word of rapists, we hear it every day: it's called rape culture

My rapist confessed, as did the man who signed the letter in Liberation, but my feeling is that when rapists say they're sorry, they're not. Those who say "I raped" and make long sentences on the subject always add a "But…" It’s always someone else’s fault: their girlfriends, the nature of the relationship, the family, the patriarchal society… It’s no use confessing if it’s to make excuses. Nor to go out afterwards: "I confessed so it doesn't matter anymore".

Yes, hearing my rapist publicly acknowledge what he did to me might be a relief, but those words will never cure the trauma, my fear of him or assaults in general. And then this saying, we hear it every day: it's called rape culture. Decryption, we do it every day: it's the work feminists have been doing for years.

I understand that Alma, the victim of the man who wrote to Libé, agreed to the letter's publication. That hearing confessions helps some victims. But I also find, and it was my feeling on March 8, 2021, that it emotionally exhausts the other victims, especially if the confessions are published as they were: without any safeguards or analysis and on a day as symbolic as that. -the.

So no, we are not going to applaud the rapists, but we are going to address them. This is what I do with my testimony. He was inspired to me by a tweet posted on March 8 by another victim, in which she invites women to address their attacker and to send this letter to the editorial staff of Liberation, using the hashtag # FreeLiberus. In the middle of a meeting, I opened my computer. And I wrote that.

"You raped me, asshole"

You raped me, asshole, and that, I'll never forgive you. I am neither strong nor weak. I'm a rape victim, and I don't have to read a rapist's letter to guess its contents. I know this, because like many women, I know a rapist, and have suffered both from his actions and from his cowardice.
I was repeatedly raped by you for two years. Every night spent together is a trauma, ingrained in my mind. It took several years for me to agree to actually sleeping next to someone again. My current companion even had to put up with my dog's presence between us for more than two years, because I was scared, because I woke up at night soaked in sweat, just because he had accidentally brushed me in his sleep.

You, for two years, you waited for me to fall asleep to rape me, and rob me of years of peaceful sleep. So, if you are worried about me talking, keep in mind that I don't give a fuck. Me, I worry when I close my eyes, when I feel the breath of the person I love most in the world on the crook of my neck, when he puts his hand on my shoulder without my hearing him approaching, when a stranger is too close to me in the subway, when I'm alone in a room with a cis man. I’m afraid of all of this because of you.

And as if that weren't enough to ruin the little confidence I had in myself at that time, you later wanted to impose this silence that will preserve your little ego by means of cyberstalking, supported by your little friends.

So I started to be afraid of going on Twitter, afraid of speaking with people who potentially like you and will go and repeat my life to your pitiful little gang or worse, to you. And then I realized one thing: you don't give a damn about my life, or my fears.

You ask activists who are already exhausted to repair your damage

Now, after years of fighting, I don't give a fuck anymore. That's kind of my sentence at the moment. I do not care. I don't care about your ego, your reputation, your dreams, your ambitions. You didn't hesitate for a second to screw up mine, dreams, and now that I have more beautiful ones, I don't care if they crush yours. You're nothing, you're worth nothing and none of the little compliments from your friends can ever change that. You're a rapist, asshole, that's all you are.

You confessed to hurting me, to raping me. You said you understood my anger, the better to harass me a few days later. How pitiful it is to see the complete lack of respect for women's rights as you strut around militant circles yelling at anyone who wants to hear how deconstructed you are. But it is not. And don't worry, we know that very well.

As for the author of the letter published in Libé, we know perfectly well that you are one of those guys who urge others to change things, to act, when in fact you ask activists who are already exhausted to repair your damage. . You confess half-heartedly, to use a thousand others to blame your girlfriends, exes, friends, parents and the patriarchy for YOUR acts, YOUR violence. And after what? Afterwards, we can no longer oppose you.

Well believe me, asshole, that I have not finished opposing your violence to prevent you from approaching other women, and making other victims. I'm not done talking, and you'll listen to me.