Open love – just an illusion?

In a nutshell:

It's probably not an illusion. But I haven't met it yet, open love.

Now in detail:

Karin lived for a few years without a permanent relationship. She made friends with men with whom she also had sex, but could not imagine a partnership. But then she fell in love with Jeremy, and Karin became insecure. On the one hand, she didn't want to endanger the blossoming love and fulfilling sexuality with Jeremy. On the other hand, she couldn't imagine never having sex with another man from now on. The contradiction between a freer sexuality and a stable, trusting love relationship is a problem for almost every couple, which all too often shows in cheating and secret affairs that destroy trust between the partners. Swinger clubs only seem like a good solution for a few. For most, sexuality remains that which separates our love relationship from other relationships and makes it unique – which makes sense because bond and thus love is created through sex. This limit is also our emotional security so as not to be overwhelmed by jealousy and fear of loss.

The development of the relationship culture

But does it have to be like that? Are these not just learned ways of experiencing, property claims, moral rumblings? Or are we not made for open love relationships at all? We look in vain at our closest relatives. We are not monkey hordes in which coitus takes place, but people who make love. And we may have already taken steps towards an open relationship.

Compared to before, we have freed ourselves from inhibitions and moral index fingers. We have developed a relationship culture in which one partner no longer sets the tone or we follow narrow social norms. Our partnerships are no longer determined by economic pressure, but by emotional needs. We recognize that we should negotiate, be mindful and respectful of one another, and that each couple must find their own way. No, it certainly hasn't made our relationships any easier. But they are perhaps the most democratic and best love relationships that have ever existed.

Is Open Love Possible? The answer is difficult

There is no recipe, just experiments. Karin and Jeremy are now living monogamous, they have postponed the solution to the big question. Genaro and James, another couple, are experimenting with the fact that cheating is allowed, but you can never sleep with another partner more than once. Are open love relationships now possible? I would like to give an answer, but the answer doesn't yet exist. So far we have learned to take our feelings more seriously, to share them more openly and not to hide our vulnerability. But open love relationships are called that because they demand even more openness from us. Loving three or four people will only be courageously accomplished through trial and error. And about the demanding balance of challenging ourselves without overwhelming ourselves.