Oversharing? Why we sometimes reveal more than we wanted to

Why we often reveal more than we actually should

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Sometimes we get this urge to want to share something. Even if we regret it the next day or just a few moments later. In such moments we often don’t think rationally, but act out of a need: we want to be heard or seen, to entertain others, to be recognized… We are concerned with maintaining these things in the moment of conversation and we rarely think about the consequences could have.

Why we want to get rid of things

There are problems or mysteries that concern us so much that they have mental or physical effects. Maybe we feel uncomfortable because we don’t tell the other person what we know or what concerns us. In such cases it can be very useful to confide in others because it relieves us. If we open up to a good friend who we can trust or to a neutral advisor with whom the secret is also safe, we have more advantages from the story than disadvantages. But if we talk to people who are less close to us or to a parent who quickly becomes worried, the disadvantages can outweigh the disadvantages. For example, because we are confronted with worries or fears. And even though we previously felt so comfortable with our decision, the feeling fades with each further argument. Instead of support, we get skepticism, which makes us doubt.

When we should spill the beans and when not

As a rule, we look for connection with other people in conversations. But they are not always willing to listen to us or reward us with the feedback we want. Telling a funny story can make the entire room laugh. If we make fun of a person, it can have consequences for their reputation or self-esteem. It is therefore always important to consider which statements have added value and which do not.

When it comes to personal decisions or ideas, a safe environment is essential. Maybe you’re really happy about what you’ve decided. And others deprive you of this joy through their assessment before you have been able to put your idea into practice. Perhaps our wish here was to validate our decision through the opinions of others and thus motivate ourselves. But in the end the opposite happens.

Even positive feedback can become too much

Others may also be supportive and believe in us and our abilities. This ensures that their praise immediately makes us feel better, more secure. And to feel this feeling again, we then talk to other people about the idea. But not everyone will react the same way as the first safe base of people close to you. Even positive words may make you doubt. For example, because in your eyes others portray you as more capable than you see yourself. This can lead to it demotivating you. Perhaps the perspective of others becomes more important to us than achieving the goal. And they’ve already accepted us anyway, no matter how it turns out. This ultimately makes it easier to give up.

Sources used: psychology-today.com, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, linkedin.com


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