psychology
Palliative psychologist: We can do that in order to have as little regret as possible in the end
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Life is precious, and the thought of looking back at the very end and realizing you’ve wasted it is frightening for many people. What can we do to prevent this? We spoke to a palliative psychologist about this.
In contrast to other animals, we can be and do many things in our lives. We can work as engineers or as nurses. We can be funny or we can be serious. We can go jogging, play football and the recorder, eat a vegan diet, go on vacation with the camper to the south of France and lose ourselves in fantasy books. A Leo, on the other hand, cannot say, for example, that from now on I prefer to do without meat. A jellyfish does not have to think about whether it needs a driver’s license or whether it would like to be confirmed.
It is a privilege and happiness that we as human beings have some freedom and opportunities and that we can shape our lives in a variety of ways. But it can also scare us. Because, unlike a jellyfish, it could happen to us that one day we look back and think: Damn it, through this confirmation back then I blocked paths that I would have loved to tread. But now it is too late. (Under the hypothetical assumption that there are restrictions and requirements associated with a confirmation, as is the case in some denominations.) But what can we do to prevent this from happening to us? So that at the end of our lives we can walk in peace instead of repentance? So that whenever the time comes, we are prepared for our death? We spoke to the palliative psychologist Hanna Salm about this.
The most important cornerstones for a happy life
Like the US psychologist and head of the unique long-term study “Harvard Study of Adults Development” Robert Waldinger, Hanna Salm, based on her experience, is of the opinion that our personal relationships play a central role in our happiness in life and our sense of fulfillment (you can read here what, according to the palliative psychologist, makes terminally ill people quarrel the most and here, why Robert Waldinger considers relationships to be the key to happiness). People who mean something to us (and we give them a high priority in our lives) is a decision that we certainly do not need to regret in the end. But we are more than our relationships. Our life is not just about maintaining social contacts. What can we do to end up not having the feeling overall, i.e. in relation to all areas of life: I’m not ready yet, surely that can’t be all?
“The key question is what can we do about that own To live life. And not one that just happened to us. “, says Hanna Salm. Am i leading the life i want? Am I with the people I want to be with? Do I do what I do professionally in which I find fulfillment, meaning or joy? To pause again and again and to keep in mind what is important to us, to check whether we are setting our priorities on these things that are important to us – from the experience of the palliative psychologist, this is a measure that prepares us and a farewell in peace can promise. “I observe that it is easier for people to let go in the end, the more authentically they live, that is, the more they live the way they are,” says Hanna Salm. And: “I have often heard the phrase, ‘I wish I hadn’t put off so much later. ‘”Based on her perception, Hanna Salm can also confirm that it is seldom mistakes that people have made and regret in the end, but rather mistakes and things that they have not dared to do.
Often it doesn’t have to be big changes
Admittedly, in practice it is certainly not easy to arrange our life exactly the way we want it or to adapt it whenever we see a need. Once we have taken a course, are in a rut, sprinting on the hamster wheel disoriented in front of us, it can be incredibly difficult to break out and change direction. But often we don’t have to do it so radically. Often we don’t need to change a lot to achieve a lot. Often a shift in priorities is enough to make our lives our own again. Sometimes it helps to remember why we once took the path we are on, to see the meaning in it and to rediscover our motivation or conviction. And sometimes, just by looking consciously, we can position ourselves differently, realign our attitude, even want exactly what is, and suddenly we are no longer the driven, but the driving force.
In contrast to other animals, we can be and do many things in our lives and have numerous great options to choose from. If we make decisions here and there that we doubt afterwards, that we would not make at a later point in time with more knowledge and experience, there is no reason to grieve – life is an open-ended experiment. In fact, it would be a shame if we didn’t design our personal experiment ourselves, but “just let it happen”. Because we don’t have to be human for that. We could do that as well as jellyfish.