family life
8 ways to strengthen the parent-child relationship
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A healthy relationship between parents and children is important. But things don’t always go smoothly. Here you can find out what causes this and how the bond can be improved and deepened.
Don’t forget to communicate in everyday life
In everyday life things are going haywire again, chaos reigns everywhere – and you are right in the middle? No wonder that it is sometimes difficult to keep calm and keep an overview. Sometimes you just have the feeling that everything is falling apart. As a result, communication with loved ones around us quickly suffers: our partners, friends and children. It is not uncommon for us to react abruptly, annoyed or with little understanding. But it is precisely then that our focus should be on appreciative, compassionate communication – even if it seems difficult to implement at the moment.
Compassion is that important
Sure, our kids can get on our nerves sometimes, but if we’re honest, we’re happy for them every day. In order not to lose focus on loving communication, especially in stressful times, it is always worth connecting with your children, consciously perceiving them and talking to them calmly. Because the more often we can do this, the better.
8 ways you can deepen your relationship with your children
- Open communication: What counts is a dialogue instead of endless and hopeless power struggles and sole decision-making. Do you want a relationship of equals? Then always ask yourself: does my child have a choice? Am I honest and speaking out about what is important to me? In return, do I take my child seriously?
- Appreciative handling: Guide your children to learn how to name feelings and do it yourself. By respecting (and accepting) their feelings, your children will feel that they are being taken seriously.
- To listen: Sounds more banal than it really is. Because how often do we digress when our children (sometimes) tell something? Even. To give them your full attention, to ask questions actively and with interest, to repeat their sentences and to ask whether you understood them correctly – that is sometimes all they wish for.
- Build quality time into everyday life: It doesn’t always have to be a whole mom-son/daughter day/dad-son/daughter day. Strengthen family rituals, no matter how small they may be, for example cuddling together in bed in the morning or going to the market together on Saturdays. This not only results in beautiful, unexpected moments and closeness, but also time windows to communicate with each other without any pressure and stress, in a relaxed setting.
- Put away cell phones and laptops: When you’re spending time with the kids, the devices are off-limits unless you’re watching something together or making video calls together. The focus then shifts far too quickly to something else.
- Love is unconditional: Of course, love and affection should never be measured by the functioning of the child. Because children can develop best when they can fully trust in the love of their parents and also feel it. Especially in stressful situations, we as parents can remind ourselves once again not to fall into a punishment vs. reward pattern, but to practice empathy and understanding. Hilal Virit calls this communicating “heart to heart”.
- show mistakes and weaknesses: Sorry if you made a mistake yourself. This is how you show your children that you take them seriously and that you can also admit your own weaknesses. You can do the same thing in different moods: Don’t just communicate when you’re feeling good and in a good mood. You may very well say in front of your children that you are not having a good day. Depending on the age of the child, the right choice of words is important here, but children are allowed to know that peace and joy is not always pancake time and learn so much better to deal with such moments themselves if they are honestly shown how to do it. It also lets them know they didn’t do anything wrong (and aren’t responsible for the mood).
- Instead of ranting: You will certainly need several attempts for this path. Sometimes it works easier, sometimes more difficult: Try to get in touch with your children even in conflict situations and not scold them straight away. Then the child is usually much more insightful than when it is bombarded with incomprehension. If your sweetheart is still a toddler, you help him: you mostly by accompanying the conflict situation (calming down, showing compassion, describing what the conflict is and asking what bothers the child about the situation). Once it has calmed down, you can very well address the points that you no longer want to see and find solutions in cooperation with the child.
All of these ways strengthen your relationships with your children in the long term and help you to keep a reasonably cool head even in challenging situations. Empathy is your superpower!
©PR
You can also find many helpful approaches, suggestions and tips in Hilal Virit’s new book “Talking to one another, growing together”. It deals with all facets of communication between parents and children – and how this can create a deeper connection. Published by Humboldt Verlag and available for 22 euros.