Parents evening
Not just papa's nightmare
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Once not thought about it, the man is already crouching on a parents' evening and has to be very careful towards the end – so that it doesn't become permanent.
On a ranking list of painful matters, the parents' evening for many adults lies somewhere between an overnight visit by the in-laws and family diarrhea. Speaking of faecal humor: my stool is small and hard. In other words: the next two hours will be a challenge orthopedically.
Men and the dreaded parents' evening
Why didn't I come up with excuses? I still have to milk the hamsters, defuse a water bomb in the garden, have dinner with Jim Knopf, Lukas, Sursulapitschi, Ushaurischuum and Pi Pa Po – Mr. Schu Fu Lu Pi Plu cooked.
Do I really have to be here? I want it somehow, because parental involvement is important and part of a democratic daycare and school culture. Above all, participation is an appreciation of the work of the educators, to whom I at least entrust the most valuable things. Also, men are outnumbered.
What do fathers do differently? First of all, most of them stay at home. And those who are there mostly hold back, check their cell phones for the Champions League halftime results. Not all of them, of course. A few have been assimilated and are taking notes, although the clerk will send an encyclopedia of the evening to all parents.
"If you twitch, you lose" – the election of the parent representative
Nobody has to write or tell me how the children are getting on with the loom, that next week they will make vegetable soup together and that the woodwork for the grown-ups will soon be due. I've already learned everything from my six-year-old daughter. At that age children don't even keep fleas to themselves.
At the end of the evening, the unpleasant topics come on the table. When the legs don't even tingle anymore, but are almost numb. The election of the parent representatives is pending. Remain silent. One minute, two, three. If you twitch, you lose. Close my eyes hoping not to be seen. Estrogen wafts around the room. Some mothers really want this job, but don't want to show it right away. It is important to find the right time. The first report will get all the votes.
"A beer for Zoe's mother," whispers the father next to me. We don't know each other, but that will change afterwards. "Boris's mother," I reply. It doesn't make a difference. The evening will end well.
BJÖRN KRAUSE is still in training. His daughter will start school next year.