Paris Jackson has a hard time loving each other. In the past, she even hurt herself, as she reveals in her documentary series.
Together, Paris Jackson (22) and Gabriel "Gabe" Glenn are the Indiefolk duo The Soundflowers. The multi-part documentary series "Unfiltered: Paris Jackson & Gabriel Glenn" tells the musical journey of the two, who are also a couple privately. In the first episode, the late King of Pop's daughter Michael Jackson (1958-2009) unpacked about her sexuality. The second episode that was released on Tuesday (July 7th) via Facebook Watch is called "Trauma Partners?". In it, the 22-year-old speaks about her problems with her own body awareness and her self-harming behavior.
That "hated" Paris Jackson on childhood
Paris Jackson frankly says, "I'm not even close to loving myself." The 22-year-old believes that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. She herself has "a lot of uncertainties" when it comes to her body. "Self-love is damn hard," she explains. "I'm still struggling to accept myself." It is progressing gradually, at the moment she just wants to be satisfied with herself.
Paris Jackson says that she has always felt "like the black sheep" in her family. Even if she never let her family feel it, the differences could not be denied. She looks completely different with her light complexion, light eyes and light hair. She also has a completely different style. When she was young she put her father in all sorts of clothes. But her memory of it is by no means positive: "I looked like a porcelain doll. I hated it."
When her father was still alive, attention was paid to what was eaten. The diet was "very healthy". For example, there was no white sugar, white flour, or white rice. After Michael Jackson's death, Paris came into the care of her grandmother. There were no rules when eating there. Lemonade and cake were plentiful. She put on a lot of weight until it became an addiction. When she finally described someone as "fat", she realized that she could not continue with it. You started to hurt yourself.
Paris Jackson suffers from depression
"I cut and burned myself," says the 22-year-old today. "I never thought I could die from it. I was in control, I knew how deep I would cut with the razor." It felt good, she says of the reasons. Self-harm releases dopamine like sex, food, drugs etc. It was also a distraction from her mental pain. In doing so, she converted it into physical pain. She also had the feeling that she was in control of something.
Paris Jackson speaks equally openly about her depression. These come in waves and can pull them "unbearably deep" down. Still, she felt this pain rather than not feeling anything by taking medication. "Feeling the pain is better than numbing it," said the musician. She used to take antidepressants and mood enhancers. That had clouded her, for example she could no longer laugh heartily: "You cannot numb the evil without numbing the good." In an interview with the "Rolling Stone", Jackson once admitted that "he often thought of suicide".
Paris is not alone with its demons. Gabriel Glenn also fights with himself. For example, he is insecure when it comes to his scars. He continues to fall into depressed phases, he says. He even wanted to kill himself. He was glad that he hadn't made it. And he makes it clear: Once again, he couldn't do that to the people he loves.
The episode culminates in Paris Jackson's appearance at the last fashion show of French designer Jean Paul Gaultier (68) in Paris earlier this year. He personally asked her to run. A great success for the Jackson daughter, who says she wants to help people feel comfortable in their own skin.
Help with depression is provided by the telephone counseling service on the free number: 0800/111 0 111