Love has long since fled the dust – but you remain in the relationship. But why? Please not for these reasons.
1. Wishful thinking
Typical sentence: “You: he will change!” you’ve been together forever You still can’t agree on basic things. Whether it’s about the classic family planning or regular flirting with strangers. More and more often you catch yourself coaxing yourself into it. The sentence “You: he will change!” is part of your standard repertoire. But: Why should your counterpart change at all? So far everything has been going pretty well.
2. Convenience
Typical sentence: “Who will fix my bike then?” One of the comforts of couple life is that you can take on tasks and problems together. There is nothing to be said against it. But it becomes problematic when you hardly dare to do anything alone or have simply become too comfortable. Typical phrases that you can use to recognize this: “Who will fix my bike when I’m alone?” or “Without her: I’ll never get my tax return done with him!” Luckily, all these tasks can be delegated: to people who do such things professionally. Also an idea: You dare to do things that you have otherwise always avoided.
3. Rigid life planning
Typical sentence: “I’ll have children by the time I’m 30.” Are you one of those people who have a precise plan in mind of how your life should look like? Have you always wanted to have children at a young age/at the latest by 30/all-all-at the latest by 33? You swore to yourselves to stay with this woman:man, come what may? Anyone who sets such strict goals quickly runs the risk of being dogged. Questions like this should be more important than a rigid life plan: How am I doing with what I have already achieved? Is this really the partner I want to start a family with? And: To whom do I actually want to prove something?
4. Lack of self-confidence
Typical sentence: “I can be glad that I have someone.” Hand on heart: Do you sometimes think that you can’t find anyone else other than the one you’re with right now? Do you have the feeling that you aren’t angels either and that your counterpart doesn’t have it easy with you either? Even if that is the case – a lack of self-confidence is not a really good prerequisite for a relationship on equal footing. You don’t need a partner who is with you “despite” your weaknesses – but who loves you “because” of all your idiosyncrasies and weaknesses.
5. Financial dependency
Typical phrases: “I just got used to a certain lifestyle.” or “I can’t make ends meet without her: him.” The scenario: Love has long since evaporated, but somehow you have maneuvered yourself into financial dependence on your partner? a) The circumstances are just so great: Expensive gifts, living in a condominium or in a big house, nice trips – who likes to give up something like that? b) The circumstances are anything but great: you simply don’t earn enough yourself and are dependent on your partner’s money. Both scenarios are only half-optimal. Being financially independent means you have no reason to stay unless you really want to.
6. Resignation
Typical sentence: “Please show me a long-term couple who are still happy.” You’ve been together for several years. The air is out. Sexually, but also communicatively. Inwardly you have admitted to yourself that the former dream man or the former dream woman did not meet your expectations. Now you follow the motto “Better a bullfinch in your hand than a buzzard on the roof” or something like that. You’ve lowered your expectations of a long, happy relationship to the point where you automatically think to someone who’s just in love, “Wait a minute! You’ll soon stop laughing so loud.” Sorry, this is not a life plan, this is complete surrender.
7. Fear
Typical phrase: “I’m just not good at being alone.” You secretly envy people who have been single for years, travel alone and always go last to parties – but emotional security is more important to you. Even if it means getting stuck in relationships that don’t grow or even hurt you. But your biggest fear isn’t losing yourself, it’s losing the other. No matter how unsuitable the person is as a life partner. Suggestion: Change the sentence “I just can’t be alone” to “I’ve never been good at being alone, but now I’m going to try something new.”