Partnership with child
That’s why parents should take some time for themselves
Family time is important, but mom and dad should also have time to themselves.
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If couples have children, they often come first. The togetherness quickly falls short. A mistake, warns a couples therapist.
Romantic evenings, exciting vacations and spending half the day in bed at the weekend. This togetherness is often a thing of the past in relationships when children are involved. New parents often find it difficult to see themselves as a “couple” unit, but rather see themselves as mom and dad, says the psychological psychotherapist for couple, family, trauma and behavioral therapy, Micaela Peter.
In an interview with the news agency spot on news, she explains how important it is to spend time with your partner – without the children. “Priority number one should definitely be the time alone as a couple. Couples should spend quality togetherness at least once a week,” she advises. The co-author of “Zweisam. Dreisam. Lonely.” (Kösel) that parents often put themselves last.
“This is our evening”: Make clear announcements to the children
In order to spend an evening together as a couple, according to Peter, it is not absolutely necessary to organize a babysitter. Instead, one can create rituals at home, the expert recommends: “Couples should say ‘This is our evening’ and look forward to it. Whether with a bottle of wine or a cup of tea – the main thing is that you are close and there is exclusive space for intimate exchange, undisturbed togetherness, mutual attention, lightheartedness, fun or tenderness, free from obligations. ” However, the television should not be on, topics such as upcoming to-dos or the children are also out of place.
But how do parents create time for togetherness? By setting clear boundaries for their children, Peter thinks. “My experience from couples therapy is that nowadays parents find it incredibly difficult to set limits for their children, for example when it comes to bedtime. It’s no wonder that parents don’t have time for themselves when the children are at a young age right through to the dolls stay awake and the parents then no longer have strength and energy for each other. ” It is therefore beneficial to teach your children a regular sleep rhythm early on.
“Parents should develop an inner attitude and embody it: We love you and we are there for you. But there are childhood and adult times,” recommends the couples therapist, because both are important. “If children have a reliable sleep by 8 p.m. at the latest, then the parents have gained important time for themselves. You should start early with this culture and stay consistent.”
Parents should cultivate their romantic couple relationship
The expert considers it important that parents do not lose sight of their romantic couple relationship and realize that the love relationship forms the basis of the family: “That is the foundation.” She knows from her experience: “The majority of these couples who neglect the love relationship break up in the so-called empty nest phase at the latest, when the children are out of the house.” Because then the family project will be over and the couples will realize that they don’t have much to say or give to each other, she continues.
Isn’t it selfish to send the children to bed early to spend time together? Peter answers with a resounding “no”. “A healthy egoism and a good dose of self-care pay off positively for everyone in the family,” she explains. “I believe that when the parents are satisfied or happy with each other and have a stable and vital basis, because they still enjoy and shape their own lives, then the children benefit first and foremost from it.”