psychology
When sadness occurs in happy moments – this is how you recognize the “Perfect Moment Syndrome”
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You have prepared everything perfectly – the vacation, the meeting or your party – but at the crucial moment you feel anxiety and sadness instead of happiness? The “Perfect Moment Syndrome” may be behind this. Signs, causes and what helps.
You know exactly how everything should happen and plan it down to the last detail. But then: A really small thing destroys everything. Your hair doesn’t lie the way it should, your partner talks about a topic you wanted to avoid, the weather doesn’t cooperate. It doesn’t sound all that dramatic – but you probably know the moments when something like this happens and it feels like everything is ruined. The day must be terrible, there is no other way. Some even feel this even though nothing has happened – “not yet” is often what comes from their thoughts. Instead of enjoying the moment happily, they become sad.
A not-so-rare phenomenon that has now reached social media and is now a concern. Here under the name “Perfect Moment Syndrome”. We explain how you can recognize it and how you can still enjoy your day.
Why does “Perfect Moment Syndrome” even occur?
It doesn’t go 100 percent the way you think it should – but it’s still beautiful. But you don’t see that because inside you feel sadness. Everything should be perfect. Or it’s even perfect, but there are so many worst-case scenarios playing out in your head that you just can’t relax and end up feeling sad instead of happy. On TikTok, among others, users report in comments or videos about such moments, referred to as “Perfect Moment Syndrome”:
However, this term originally comes from the best-selling author Sarah Wilson, who used it describes high, often unrealistic expectations. Some people would assume “that life should happen a certain way in certain circumstances: that birthdays are always happy, that a week in Thailand should be relaxing, that a long-awaited date with your partner in a special one “The restaurant brings them closer together,” the New York Post quoted her as saying. If you have too high expectations, it can lead to sadness instead of happiness.
5 signs this is the case for you
Do you feel like you might be suffering from “Perfect Moment Syndrome”? Then pay special attention to these five signs:
- You feel a need for perfectionism.
- You always have to plan very carefully.
- You are very afraid that things will turn out differently.
- You expect those around you to also prepare well; a cancellation, for example, would be a catastrophe for you.
- You not only get inspiration from similar events, but you also try to imitate them, even if that’s not possible for logistical reasons etc.
What helps if you have “Perfect Moment Syndrome”?
Anyone who knows these signs often puts themselves under a lot of stress and lets really good days be ruined by a bad mood due to the “Perfect Moment Syndrome”. It can help if you think in three phases: before, during and after the event.
Previously: The three big keywords are realism, flexibility and focus. Try to make your plans realistic and not compare yourself too much, especially if, for example, the location and the budget do not (or cannot) match at all. Realize that it’s not a big deal if something doesn’t go as planned – guests cancel, it might rain, your dress might have a stain, it’s not the end of the world. Setting a focus can help: What is most important to you? The decoration? Your hairstyle? The menu? Allow yourself to make small compromises on the rest.
Meanwhile: If you notice that you are becoming sad, either because something is going differently than planned or simply because you are worrying too much, take a deep breath. Is the situation really that bad? Or maybe it’s the case that everyone is actually having a good time except you? Just observe how the others behave. If they’re chatting and laughing, focus on those positive vibes!
After: Talk to other people involved and ask what it was like for them. Did your girlfriend have fun at the party? Did the man you had dinner with find your conversations pleasant? Was the vacation fun for your children? When you give feedback, you often realize that your negative feelings were completely exaggerated – no one noticed that the decoration wasn’t perfect or that a strand of hair was hanging stupidly in your face. And even if there is criticism: you grow from it, remember it for next time and can only improve. Great conditions!
Sources used: nypost.com, bustle.com, tiktok.com