love without Borders
Our child has two dads and a mom!
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Nicole, Christian and Fabian are in a relationship and have one child. What could be a perfectly normal statement raises questions in reality for many parents. How is that supposed to work? And who is the biological father?
It wasn’t love at first sight between the three – but who is it? Nicole, Christian and Fabian got to know each other during their studies. Nicole and Christian had an open relationship at the time – above all, a friendship developed with Fabian. When he was looking for a job after completing his studies in Cologne, he temporarily moved in with Nicole and Christian. “Back then, Christian and I were in the middle of our wedding preparations. Fabi even helped tinker with the invitations,” reveals Nicole, “We noticed how nice it is to live with three people and we didn’t want Fabi to move out after the wedding either. ”
They quickly realized that they love each other. What the whole thing is not called at first, just that it works – and damn well. So good that they became parents together five years later.
Love with obstacles
Only Nicole and Christian are married on paper. A three-person marriage is illegal in Germany and the three of them often reach their limits when it comes to parental rights. “We have a very outdated family law,” says Fabian. Ultimately, only a maximum of two people can have custody of a child. There is only room for one father on the birth certificate. There is also a hospital that has two fathers in the delivery room at the time of birth was extremely difficult at the time. “After all, we have a good pediatrician. No matter which dad can go to the doctor with the little one, ”says Fabian.
“We are a perfectly normal, boring family”
In order to normalize the concept of polyamorous families and remove taboos, Nicole, Fabian and Christian document on their Instagram account “real.polylife.offical “publicly their life. Not just for themselves, but mainly for their son.” Polyamory is tainted with so many clichés – especially with other parents. We heard that there are parents who forbid their children to play with other children from polyamorous families. These parents only associate polyamory with sexuality and do not see that romance is in the foreground here as well as in monogamous relationships. Nobody asks monogamous couples what they are doing in their bedroom! “Says Nicole annoyed.
Above all on the net there is strong criticism for their openness: “The poor child!”, “Perverts!”, “Sinner!” – it says in the comments. Insults that affect your child are particularly below the belt. But that doesn’t stop her from standing by herself. “That is precisely why it is so important to show that he is a completely normal boy with completely normal parents. We fight for that,” says Nicole.
What are they holding onto? The positive news and the encouragement that they also receive – especially from polyamorous couples who are going through similar things. “We see that other people need role models, someone who goes ahead for them.”, Explains Fabian, “Many parents don’t dare to go public with it. Officially, some couples live with their” best friend “or” best friend. ” “Together. Unofficially, however, they are a family. It is bad if the child is not allowed to correctly name its parents in public.”
“The problem is social norms”
The upbringing of three parents can be a real enrichment. “The little one has three characters that he can copy and learn from. That is totally interesting.” Nicole, Christian and Fabian are not afraid that their son will find it strange that he has three instead of two parents. On the contrary: “The advantage of children is that they do not yet know all of our social norms. Our educational work is mainly aimed at parents and not at children. If you explain to children that some have two mothers or two dads, they ask That is not an issue at first. The bigger challenge is to teach parents that we are a perfectly normal, boring family, “says Fabian.
Only the three know who the biological father is. If at some point your son will ask you, you will tell him. But he should know that the answer to the question makes no difference.
Sources used: interview
This article originally appeared on Eltern.de.