Polyamorous relationships
“I have so much love in me”
© PR
A classic picture book marriage – this is how you could describe Saskia’s life with Marcin. But then Saskia met another woman and realized that she suddenly loves two people: her husband and Luise. Two became three. Your life now? Still a picture-perfect marriage – just more modern!
“You can’t love two people. You can’t!” Saskia Michalski thought when she discovered that she had developed feelings for her cross-fit student Lui – even though she was in a happy marriage with Marcin . Leaving her husband was not an option for Saskia, after all, she loved him as much as before. But she had to tell him anyway.
“I wanted to give everything to show Marcin: You haven’t done anything wrong and I’m not missing anything,” says Saskia. Open communication has always been the key in their relationship, one that had resolved quite a few points of contention. But Saskia would never have thought that Marcin reacted so relaxed and understanding when she poured out her heart to him. “Well, two plus one is three. Let’s see where it all takes us.“, he commented pragmatically on the situation.
“We’re just a family of three”
The whole thing, as Marcin called it at the time, ultimately led to a polyamorous relationship. When someone asks how this should work, the three of them describe it like this: Saskia loves Marcin and Lui romantically and intimately. Marcin and Lui, on the other hand, do not have a romantic relationship with each other. You may be of one heart and soul, but you don’t have sex or butterflies in your stomach. “This is comparable to the love you feel for your family, such as your parents or siblings,” said Marcin once in an interview on YouTube. But why define so complicated? “We’re just a family of three,” explains Saskia.
Limitless love
Today they live in a shared apartment – with two bedrooms. Saskia then always decides relatively spontaneously who she wants to sleep next to. Saskia, Marcin and Lui know that a three-person relationship works, but they still encounter a lack of understanding in society. To normalize polyamory, they went public with their relationship – on Instagram and TikTok, among others.
“Polyamory is often a taboo subject that is swept under the rug. I know that many people experience their relationships and sexuality behind closed doors. They are often afraid of stereotyping and discrimination.”
, says Saskia. Her mission is to show that her family is not sex controlled, nor is it because Saskia cannot make up her mind or needs too much attention, as she is often accused of. “Lots of people need hierarchies. They often want to know who I love more. And I love both equally. I have endless love inside of me, why should I have to split it up?”
Surprisingly, the majority of Saskia’s followers on Instagram are people who are monogamous. “The reason is that the way we treat each other can also enrich monogamous relationship models,” reveals Saskia. The three of them are role models for many of their fans, especially when it comes to issues such as jealousy, trust and appreciation.
In love, engaged, married … married twice?
A threesome marriage? This is not legally possible in Germany. “If we were to get married abroad, we could even face up to three years in prison,” explains Saskia. Marcin and she are already married, but the legislators draw a line for other spouses. That said, on paper, the three of them are ultimately a married couple with one single. In private, however, it looks different. Because Saskia and Lui are engaged to each other and want to celebrate a symbolic wedding soon, even if this will not be legally binding.
The three also want offspring. Preferably twice: Both Saskia and Luise want to have a child and Marcin should be the father of both – in a natural and alternative way. Not being married could then become a major obstacle for women. “For the other child, Lui and I shouldn’t even be adoptive parents. We would be legally a stranger, even though we raise the child together,” says Saskia.
Nevertheless, they want to stick to their family planning and that is precisely why they are fighting for more tolerance. In the hope that they can raise their children in a society where it doesn’t matter who or how many you share your love with.
Sources used: interview