Our choice of words is varied, but we often say ill-considered things to our children in stressful situations. We want to explain how positive language works and what it does…
Positive language towards children is actually the be-all and end-all. Unfortunately, this is not always easy in stressful everyday life. We are quick to say things that children may misunderstand, hurt or even block. That’s why it’s important to be careful with your words.
We should avoid negative language as much as possible and reformulate certain statements. Because negative language leads to negative thinking and acting! What this means is that many parents focus on what their child can’t do instead of looking at their abilities.
You might be familiar with the following situation: You are at the playground with your child on a sunny afternoon. It is full. Children laugh, scream, cry and run around wildly. Your child wants to climb the climbing frame that many children already climb on. So far it has never climbed to the top, but today it wants higher. You see it could be tight and in your excitement you say: “Warning! Don’t fall off the monkey bars!”
Your child will probably be confused. The reason for this could be your negative wording. Because to say what it not should do is often easy for parents (especially in tricky situations and when the stress factor is high). The child’s brain is much better at absorbing positive sentences. What many people don’t know is that processing “no” or “not” is much more complex for the human brain than it is with positive statements.
A good alternative for next time would be to say what you want your child to do instead of emphasizing what not to do.
There is a high probability that you are familiar with such situations yourself. For example, if you are told: “You should not think of a cow or the color red”, you will think of exactly that. Positive language promotes positive action and belief in oneself and one’s own abilities. And that’s exactly what you want for your child, isn’t it?
There is a good example of this, especially in sports: During the last few meters while jogging, do you keep thinking about your legs getting tired – or do you concentrate on your energy reserves and the goal? It is very likely that you will persevere if you don’t give room to negative thoughts.
The good news: Positive language can be trained by using new formulations integrate into your everyday life with a child.
15 formulations of how positive language works with children:
1. Instead of being like, “Don’t hit the baby!”
Better this way: “Gently touch the baby. You can caress it tenderly!”
2. “Don’t throw the sand!”
“We can use the sand to bake cakes, build a sandcastle or just dig!”
3. “Don’t fall off the jungle gym!”
“Please hold on tight. If you want to go higher, feel free to take my hand!”
4. “You don’t talk to me like that!”
“Please use kinder words!”
5. “It’s not that hard!”
“You can do it, I believe in you!”
6. “Stop crying!”
“It’s okay if you cry! You can tell me what’s bothering you! I’ll be there and I’ll listen to you.”
7. “Stop talking! You should go to sleep!”
“When you fall asleep, I’ll come and look after you. Close your eyes and gather strength for tomorrow. Then you can continue playing!”
8. “Do not play with the ball indoors!”
“Please play outside with the ball!”
9. “Don’t shout so loud!”
“Can you please speak more quietly!”
10. “Don’t be silly, it’s beautiful here!”
“Look, there’s your favorite game! Shall we get it together?”
11. “Don’t play so loud!”
“I want to play a quiet game now! Shall we be little mice?”
12. “You shall not argue!”
“Try to solve the problem in a friendly way!”
13. “Please don’t leave your shoes in the hallway!”
“Please put your shoes in the shoe rack!”
14. “Don’t fill the cereal bowl completely!”
“First fill the bowl half full and have some if you’re still hungry!”
15. “Don’t ride your bike so fast!”
“Could you drive a little slower, please?”