Not giving your first love another chance, not traveling more or traveling too much, not spending enough time with your family – there are many things that we regret in life for very different reasons. But what do people regret most?
In the here and now everyone probably has something that they regret. Sometimes it wasn’t that long ago, sometimes there are years or decades in between. Some things are difficult to part with and therefore keep bothering us. Especially when the emotional component is strong and processing the thing that we missed or behaved incorrectly doesn’t really work.
Psychologist Michael Gervais writes on “CNBC Make it” about what he most often encounters in therapy conversations when the topic of regret or grief comes up. The good thing is: If we take it to heart now, we can usually avoid these regrets later. So there is reason for hope, in the here and now.
The number 1 regret thought
The most common problem is time and how we use it. Many people didn’t do something that they wanted to do, but kept putting it off until another day. For example, we later regret not having spent more time with our loved ones. However, what most people later regret is often noticeable the moment it happens. Maybe we always wanted to try another job, but didn’t dare and preferred to stay in the secure employment relationship, even though we weren’t happy to continue. Later we think to ourselves, “I really would have liked to have done that,” but we feel like it’s too late.
Gervais also refers to the bestseller “Five Things Dying People Regret Most” by Bronnie Ware. She was once a nurse and accompanied people until their death. In her book she formulates the following five things that people most often regret:
- “I wish I had had the courage to live a life that was true to myself, rather than the life others expected of me.”
- “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
- “I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings.”
- “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
- “I wish I had allowed myself to be happier.”
Many people are afraid of failing or disappointing others, and very few people want uncertainty in life. But when we look back on these moments later, we sometimes wonder why we were worried or afraid in the first place. For some people, personal obligations may have prevented them from pursuing their dreams. But it is then important to have some form of opportunity to lead a fulfilling life. We may not become a singer on the big stage, but we can join the community choir, which can be a lot of fun.
Find and do what really defines you
A life without fun and fulfillment is an empty one. Whether it’s a job that brings you joy or your private life, your hobbies or a social commitment: there are many ways to go through life more contentedly. “The big difference between then and now is that today you have the opportunity to do something about it”, writes psychologist Michael Gervais in his article. As humans, we are often good at pushing back a lack and somehow living with the fact that we are missing something. We are creatures of habit and changing something is often not our strength. But if you already have something in the here and now that you regret or keep thinking about doing a certain thing, it can make more sense to trust your own intuition than your reason.
Other common reasons that lead to regret can be romantic or an educational path that we did not take. A career or finances that we didn’t take care of. Raising children we wish we had more time for. Look for the points that sometimes worry you in the present and start with them. So that there is hope for a worry-free future.
Sources used: ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, cnbc.com, psychologytoday.com